Meggerz

So Long, So Long

2009-03-31T00:05:00.001-06:00

I've decided to stop posting here, I never update it anyways, and if you want to know what's going on with me, check my facebook and/or my twitter. :P

It's been fun? Maybe? Eh.

Almost there

2009-03-13T01:56:00.003-06:00

So it's only about 6 days until my surgery. I'm starting to get nervous about it, and I'm pretty scared now. I know it's a routine surgery and everything, but things still happen sometimes, and I'm just worrying that something might happen. Maybe I've watched too many episodes of ER and Grey's Anatomy. Lol. I'm just really nervous. I wish this whole stupid thing wasn't happening, and I really really want to start getting healthy after I recover. I'm gonna start eating better and excercising so I lose weight, cause I never ever want to have to go through something like this again. It's too much and I feel like I'm too young to be having problems like this, I have enough with just my heart condition, so I'm 100% serious about getting healthy. Guess it just took a semi major illness for me to get scared enough to do something, after all these years Mum's been nagging me...I wish I listened to her now. That's life though eh?

Round two

2009-01-18T16:56:00.003-06:00

So I got a message from the Graphics Team manager at FanForum a couple of weeks ago, asking me to make two new graphics before they make their final decision on whether I join the team or not. So basically I think that means that I did a good enough job with the two I made, but they're still on the fence about it, and want to see what else I can do. So I made two new ones. Lol. I've probably spent about 5-6 hours of work on these two little graphics so far. I really want to make the team!

Anyways, here's the two new ones I made. :D

I quite like them. :) Hopefully they're good enough to get me on the team!!!

Bleh

2009-01-10T11:37:00.002-06:00

I've been sick lately. And I guess it's not just the stomach flu. Mom convinced me to go see a doctor on Weds, since I wasn't getting better. So I went to the Healthpartners clinic up here, and got checked out. They checked me out, and were a little worried because my irises in my eyes were yellowy, which apparently is a symptom of Hepatitis A. So they took some blood, gave me some anti nausea pills and sent me on my way.

Two days later, they call me back, telling me they're leaning towards me having Hepatits A now after looking at the test results. My liver enzymes were way high, which is a big clue for Hep A. So they sent me to the hospital to get a CT scan of my abdomen, and everything came back looking normal in that, except I guess my gall bladder was a little bit inflamed and it was contracted so they couldn't see in it well, so they couldn't rule out gall stones. But since I don't have any sharp pains or anything, they don't think it's that. So they decided to run some more tests on my blood, looking specifically for hep A, mono, and some other mono like disease. And I should find out on Monday what the results are from those tests. And then we will see where I go from here. If it's not any of those, they might send me to a gastroenterologist (yeah I don't know how to spell that) to get an ultrasound of my liver and gall bladder and stuff.

Honestly, right now I'm hoping that it's either mono or hep A. Both I can recover from without major treatment, I just need to rest and eat better to get over it faster. And I can do that. I really really hope they find out what's wrong with me on Monday, I'm sick of doing all these tests and having to go back into the clinic to talk about test results.

Dreams

2008-12-07T02:05:00.004-06:00

So, I'm applying to become a member of the graphics team at FanForum. To apply you have to make two audition graphics, one has to be of a celebrity, and the other for a TV show. So, I think I'm done with mine. I worked really hard on them too. It sounds a lot easier than it actually is. Especially since they have to be a certain size. 230x100. Lol. Not very big at all. Anyways, here's the two graphics I made. I think they turned out pretty good. I think I still have a little tweaking to do with them though.

So for the celeb graphic, I chose Taylor Momsen of Gossip Girl fame. She's my favorite on the show, and I'm obsessing over GG right now, so it all made sense.

And then I did Gossip Girl for the tv show, cause I was talking to a friend on FF who is on the graphics team, and she was giving me some helpful hints, and said that GG is pretty easy to do with the promo photoshoots they have. :)

I like it. There's something that's bugging me about it, but I can't quite figure out what it is. Lol. I'll have to play around with it some more I guess. But yeah, those are what the graphics look like on the individual boards. Well, different ones, obviously, but similar. I hope I get onto the team. It would be a lot of fun!

I never update

2008-12-04T18:47:00.002-06:00

Lol. I'm so bad at updating this. I really don't have much to talk about in my life. I'm really boring. Buuuut. I am posting my most recent video, that I have gotten a lot of feedback from the Youtube users for. They love it! :D I'm really happy with it, and apparently everyone else is. So, it's for one of my favorite shows, Gossip Girl, with the characters Nate and Jenny, who as of Monday's episode are kaput...for now! But I won't get into that here, I'll leave that to fanforum. Lol. I also have 1,100 people subscribed to my YT channel. I think that's pretty amazing! :) Anyways, here's the vid, the song is "Forever & Always" by Taylor Swift.

Long Time Coming

2008-10-29T08:07:00.002-06:00

Soooo...no posts for awhile. But I break the drought because of one thing. Harry. Freaking. Potter. :D

New trailer!!!!!!! I love it sooooooooo much! This movie is going to be EPIC. Hermione at the end still makes me giggle.

Annnnd...since Dad didn't think I still made videos, here's my latest Harry Potter video, I'm quite proud of this one actually. I tried to tell the DH story, well I did my best anyways. I think it's fairly understandable.

And here's a 90210 video that I made, 90210 is my new favorite show. Ad I just happen to have gotten a moderator postion for the 90210 board over at fanforum.com. Which I love. I have power now! Mwahaha...Lol. Actually it's been good, had a few issues with some of the posters, but nothing I couldn't sort out. :) Anyways, this video is of my favorite couple on the show, Ethan and Annie, and I love it.

Rock This Bitch

2008-08-23T04:11:00.000-05:00

I'm going to see Ben Folds in concert, October 17th! Eeeeee! So excited. I just bought my ticket since I just got paid! yay! And I found out today, that Ben's opening act is...MISSY FRIGGIN HIGGINS! All the way from the land down under! OMG. I'm sooooo excited.I seriously NEVER thought I would see her live, ever. It's going to be AMAZING. :D

Kicking and Screaming

2008-08-14T16:18:00.002-05:00

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince's release date has been pushed back to July 17th, 2009.

......

......

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY RIGHT NOW. I hate Warner Brothers so so much. They're making the fans wait a whole extra 8 months to see this movie.

I am livid! :(

Better Off

2008-08-14T06:54:00.001-05:00

Update: Meghan is still single. And will be forever.

That is all.

Halo

2008-08-08T04:58:00.002-05:00

Totally random, and because I can't sleep, this is totally my favorite song right now. It's also from one of my favorite TV shows, One Tree Hill. :D

Halo by Bethany Joy Galeotti

My Paper Heart

2008-08-07T23:36:00.002-05:00

So, long time no blog huh. I didn't really have anything to write about before. I'm now in my apartment in St Cloud, have been for almost a week, and it's not bad. It's good cause my roommates are just as slobby as I am, so I don't have to worry about pissing them off with my messyness. I haven't really seen much of my roommates, one of them I haven't actually met yet, but that's ok. I'm ok with being alone, and I kind of prefer it sometimes.

Update on the Travis situation...nothing is happening. I honestly don't get this boy AT ALL. I don't think he's purposely messing with me, I don't think he has a clue what he's doing. I saw him at work today and he barely said hi to me, and it felt all weird and awkward. I don't want things to be awkward with him, he's too awesome for that. I was kinda scared this would happen though. I thought it might be a bad idea to get involved with someone I work with, and I'm not even dating the guy yet and it's awkward already.

I just want to know either yes or no if he wants something beyond friendship, cause honestly right now, I don't know. I really don't care either way, I just want to know. So, I just sent him a text asking him exactly that. It may have been a bit forward of me, but I'm not someone to beat around the bush, I'll just get right to the point. I just hate it when guys are interested in me but are too freaking chicken to act on it. Cause then I feel like there's something wrong with me, like I did or said something to make them distant.

It does kinda of make me a bit upset. I've been single for almost 2 years now, and I know I'm only 21, but I still can't help feel like I'm never going to get another boyfriend. It doesn't really help my self esteem either. And it's really hard, since I'm so shy with people I don't know it's hard for me to actually meet a guy and talk to him and all that. That's why I was so excited when I met Travis as we clicked immediately and he's so easy to talk to. That's why it's weird now, cause he never acted like this before. So I don't know what the hell is going on.

*sigh*

On another note, my new computer rocks! I love it! :)

All Good Things

2008-07-07T05:34:00.002-05:00

Ohhhhhh boy! JACKPOT!

Daniel Radcliffe and Bonnie Wright are discussing one of their "sexually charged" scenes where Harry is trying to not jump Ginny's bones! That's the director David Yates talking with them. :D So excited!

QUIDDITCH! Ron looks ridiculously dorky in that get up. Love. It. :D

The HBP promo is starting! We should get the teaser trailer soon! yay!

Strange and Beautiful

2008-07-04T02:06:00.002-05:00

So I had a fantastic time in Melbourne and Griffith. I feel like I got to know the extended relatives a lot better. I didn't really do much while I was there, more just relaxed. But I did buy Courtney her birthday present, so that's done. She better like it. Lol. I loved spending time with Uncle Tony and family, the kids are great. So much more outgoing than they used to be, very easy to get along with. I tried to get Bob to try something new while playing Uno, aka not playing strictly by the rules, and when I mentioned it to him, I could see him having a bit of an inner battle about it, but I left the decision up to him, and he went with what I said about the way my family played Uno, and he seemed to have fun with it. :)

So, I'm back in Sydney now. 10 days till I'm back in the US, and I am really looking forward to it. I miss home, and everyone there. I can't wait to get a hug from mom, dad, and Becs.

My passport stuff is all done as well, I got a call from someone at the passport office while I was in Melbourne, saying I needed to resubmit my pictures, so Uncle Tony took me to get new ones taken, but when I called them again today to see how to submit the photos in and to ask about priority processing, they told me that my passport is ready to be picked up. So, who knows. Maybe they decided my picture was ok afterall, and maybe because I took so long to send in the new photos. but, whatever. So, I'm heading into the city on Monday to pick that up. And that is a huge relief to have that done! I can definitely come back to the US now.

I Could Get Used to This

2008-06-11T06:04:00.002-05:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! This is like the BEST DAY EVER! The one picture from HBP I've been waiting to see, Harry and Ginny being all lovey-dovey is here! I about died when I first saw this. :)

I am in SUCH a good mood right now!

OMG NEW PICTURE!

2008-05-30T21:08:00.003-05:00

So after MONTHS and MONTHS of nothing about the new Harry Potter film, what do we get today? A leaked HBP picture! Yay!

So very exciting! And I say it's leaked because it wasn't released by WB and isn't High-res, which means someone was very naughty and let this one get out. But I love them for it. And it's awesome cause it's Draco and Snape at Sluggy's xmas party. :D I would have loved it more if it was H/G, but still NEW PICTURE!

I'm in a good mood now.

On another note, I'm leaving on Monday for Port Maquarie to visit Zoe and her boy toy Dennis for a few days. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Let it Slide

2008-04-25T09:02:00.002-05:00

So I registered for my classes for next semester at SCSU. I'm taking 13 credits, which is two less than I usually do, but it's harder to get 15 credits exactly as more and more classes I'm taking are worth 4 credits and stuff. So I'm taking Intro to Linguistics, Neurological Bases of Speech/Language Pathology, Shakespeare (elective), and Mathmatical Thinking (yuck). So yeah, that should be pretty good. My spring semester next year is pretty much going to be all major classes, and my final year is going to be INTENSE. I was just looking at the plan I have, and I may be stressed out for the whole freaking year. But I suppose that will be good practice for Grad School. Haha.

Come September

2008-04-13T00:52:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm officially going to be moving into an apartment off campus in August. I got the room that was advertised on craigslist. I'm super happy about it. I'll be living with 3 other girls, two and 20 and one is 21. So we're all around the same age, which is awesome. Apparently the two girls that lived there this year are partiers, but I don't really care about that. I'm kinda used to it by now. So yeah, that all worked out well. I'm so glad. I just have to cancel my room on campus now and pray that I get my deposit back...I have a bad feeling it's non refundable though.

Other than that, things are going ok. I am actually looking forward to coming back to the US. I love Australia, but the US is home to me now, and I'm a bit homesick, and I'm running out of money rapidly, and I'm starting to get annoyed with some of the people that I hang out with here, my neighbor Carrie in particular. She's 18, and just so freakin annoying. She just come into our unit, yelling and screaming, uses our stuff without asking, she brought her boy toy over the other night at like midnight to watch a movie, without asking again, I went out to the kitchen at like 1 am to get some water and they were there, and she was like what are you doing? I said I live here, what are you doing? I don't know if I'm the only one who cares, but she just really really bothers me. She just seems to immature. She's the one who locked me out of my room on April Fools Day, which she thought was funny, but I was quite mad about it as I was still in my PJs and had to hunt down the CA in my PJs to be let back in. And then she got mad at me and said I didn't have a sense of humor. I told her to grow up. Lol. Everyone here just seems so much younger than me, and the immaturity just gets on my nerves a lot. I'm finding myself a bit bitchier with people just because I've had enough of it, and I'm having a really tough time being nice to them now. But I've never backed down to someone when they're annoying me, I'll tell them straight up, and I do. I don't think they expect that from me. So yeah, I'm looking forward to coming home and the normalcy and people acting mature.

Nothing Left to Lose

2008-04-05T06:45:00.002-06:00

I've been searching for off campus apartments to live in for next fall, and I'm pretty close to getting one I think. I was looking on craigslist, and found one that a girl posted, needing someone to take over her room in a 4 br apt. The rent is $300 a month, it's near the Hockey Arena and Football Stadium on campus, which is down near where I used to park my car in Q lot, so it's not too far of a walk to the academic buildings. Actually it's quite close to the ed building where all my major classes are. I just emailed her again asking about utilities and internet and all that. But, hopefully it will all work out for me! I just cannot go back to living in the dorms, it's just too depressing! She's apparently already talked to some people about it, but nobody has definitely taken it yet. So lets hope I get it! There's a parking spot in an underground lot for $45 as well, so if I still have the car, that would be awesome! Apparently it's the only place to park.

Direction

2008-04-03T22:19:00.002-06:00

I've made a decision about my future. I'm going to stay in the US. I'm going to go to grad school and get my masters. It just seems like the best thing to do, yes I'll be in so much debt, but if getting my masters means that I can get a good job that will pay well, then it will be worth it as I'll be able to pay off my loans and still live. Australia is nice, but I don't feel like I fit in here. I'm have too much American in me. But I will surely come back for holidays and stuff, as long as I still have family here I will always come back. But not to live.

So I've been looking at grad schools, weighing up my options, seeing how hard I'm going to have to work in the next two years to get my GPA up so I will be accepted into a school. I'm only looking at schools on the east coast, as that seems to be where most of the family will end up. I'm strangely drawn to North Carolina for some reason, I've always thought it might be nice to live there. And they have some really good CSD master programs there. Plus, the cost of living is a lot less than it is in MA or NY, so that's another plus. But, I'll have to keep researching to see where I want to apply, I'm starting a list now though. And when I get home I'll have to buy a GRE study book as I'll have to take those soon.

So, I feel good about making a decision. I feel like I've left it up in the air too much, and I just let myself be lazy and not accomplish much in my college career yet. Now that I have a definite goal, getting into grad school, I think I will work so much harder in my classes and just be more motivated in general. Lets hope it works!

Trouble

2008-03-26T03:54:00.002-06:00

So I'm back in Lismore after a crazy but fun 5 days in Byron Bay learning how to surf. But this entry isn't about that, I'll update about that later when I get my pictures onto my computer.

This entry is actually about my dearest friend Courtney. She's having a really really tought time at home right now with a major family crisis, and I feel awful that I'm thousands of miles away from her and I'm not able to be there for her right now. Basically, the deal is that her parents are getting divorced (everyone seems to know about this, so she won't care if I write about it here). She sent me a short and simple message on facebook saying that her folks are getting divorced and asked me to call her as soon as I got the message. I obviously called her straight away, I was pretty shocked to hear it, I can't imagine how she and her brother and sister felt when they heard it. She's holding up well enough right now, but I don't think that will last long if I know Court the way I do. She's trying to be strong for her mom and Andrew and Mel, and she's taken it upon herself to be the one to let people know what's going on as her mom isn't coping well enough to do it. Basically, her dad has been having an affair for a year, and finally admitted it to her mom. This all came out about two days ago, and Court got a call from her sister Mel, who told her what happened, and Court obviously rushed home. She's still there now.

I just don't know what to do right now to support Court since I'm so far away. I called her today and we talked for probably about a half hour, it was basically her just venting and getting everything out and me listening and commenting at the right moments. But I really think she just needed someone to listen to her, as obviously she can't talk to her mom about it. I just wish there was more I could do. I know that she's going to break down eventually, so I'm just really glad she's got Aaron there for her, so she's not completely alone. It's just such a tough situation for her, she feels right in the middle between her parents. I just wish there was more I could do! I know as soon as I get back to the US and I see Court I'm gonna give her a suuuuuuuuper big hug. But that's ages from now.

So, mom and dad, if you see Mrs. Parker out somewhere, I don't know if you ever would, but if you do, don't ask about her dad. It's a bit of a sensitive subject right now.

Rebel Arithmetic

2008-03-19T07:26:00.002-06:00

I've entered a new phase of video making...incorporating and using interview clips and photos in videos. It's quite fun. Here's the two I've made so far, and I'm making one about Dan, Emma, and Rupert and their close friendship right now.

Emma/Hermione

and Rupert/Emma, because they have too much freakin chemistry together to NOT be crushin on each other. Lol.

Out of the Blue

2008-03-15T20:55:00.009-06:00

I got an email on my St Cloud account from some girl who goes to St Cloud and is looking for a roommate starting in August of this year. She's 21. I'm intrigued. I wrote back and told her to send me more information on the house/apartment, and if the rent is cheap enough...I might want to do it. After living in my sweet ass unit here in Australia I really was not looking forward to living in a cramped little room with someone else and not having any privacy or space to myself. I really have been spoiled here. So I guess we'll see if she emails me back! I don't have a problem with living with strangers now, as I get along really well with my roommates here. I hope she emails me back. Lol.

And I've been promising these pictures for awhile, but here's some photos of where I'm living right now.

Looking out the front door.

Our ling room/dining/kitchen

And my room!

Remember to BREATHE

2008-03-12T22:24:00.002-06:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. BIG HARRY POTTER NEWS! *deep breath*

WB has confirmed that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be made into TWO movies, Part 1 released Nov. 2010 and Part 2. released May 2011.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

AND...David Yates, who directed Order of the Phoenix and is now directing Half-Blood Prince, will finish out the series by directing Deathly Hallows.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

I'm so FREAKING EXCITED right now, if you couldn't tell! :D

*deep breath*

We All Fall Down

2008-03-10T04:58:00.002-06:00

I'm a klutz. I fell today and hurt my other foot, I got my roomie Emma to drive me to the ER because I was scared I broke it, it hurt that bad. Three hours later, and several x rays later, it seems that I just strained the ligament, which isn't good, but isn't as bad as if I had broken it. So, it's all bandaged up and I'm supposed to not do any strenuous activity, which won't be too hard for me! :)

Other than that, still not a whole lot going on. I went to the Unibar last Thursday with my roomies and neighbors, and had a lot of fun. There was a super awesome cover band that was playing, so that was really cool. I had a lot of fun dancing and whatever. Good times.

I'm starting to find myself a little annoyed with some of the Australians I hang out with. They way they talk about people and different cultures is not very good, and it's hard for me to listen to sometimes. They're VERY judgemental, which is hard to deal with sometimes too. I'm not really used to dealing with that, so it's a bit of a challenge sometimes. Even today, when I was talking to my neighbors about my foot after I injured it, and I said that I wanted to go to the ER, and they all were like, Oh come off it, it can't be that bad. Basically calling me a wuss and stuff, which honestly pissed me off, as I was in major pain and they just didn't understand. I just got up and left and went to my room, I just had to get away from them. Not cool man.

Anyways, that's about it. But here's some more videos for Dad. Lol.
A H/G one that I attempted to tell a story through the whole video. :)

and a H/L one, just for fun!

Nothing New

2008-03-02T02:04:00.002-06:00

Just a quick little update, nothing too exciting has happened. I went out last night to a pub and then a club with some friends, so that was fun, but I think I may have made my ankle worse. I think I've sprained it somehow a few days ago, and dancing last night in high heels definitely did not help it, so I'm a bit of a cripple today, hobbling around my unit.

My main reason for updating today though was so post some videos I've made in my free time here, as there's not a whole lot for me to do when everyone else is at class and I'm bored. And I thought Dad might like seeing them. :)

Anyways, this is a general Harry one, about him in OotP.

and this is a Draco/Hermione one! I think it's funny!

Jude Law and a Semester Abroad

2008-02-26T23:54:00.002-06:00

So, I've had all my lectures for the week. I have one tutorial tomorrow and another on Friday, so Monday is the only day I have no classes, but really, Tues, Thurs, and Fri are really light compared to my Weds. I went down to campus today for a lecture at 9 am and didn't get back up to my unit until 4:20 pm. That's pretty much all day on lower campus. Oh well. I don't actually know if I have my tutorials this week though, as we haven't learned anything yet to work on, so I'm pretty sure I'm done for the rest of the week. Which is kinda nice. I had a 3 hour Chemistry lab today though, which kinda sucked, because it was a bit boring and simple. But I suppose we all have to start somewhere, even if I did basically the same lab in high school. We will get to work with some really cool chemicals though, stuff they wouldn't let us use in high school because they were too dangerous, like sulfuric acid and stuff like that. So that will be pretty cool. That's not till later on in the semester though. So, I think all my classes will be pretty cool. All my professors seem really cool and nice, laid back and all that.

For Sociology, I don't have any tests at all, we just write papers and we are assessed on those, so I'm fairly confident that I'll pass that class as the papers seem like things I wrote for my high school sociology class. So I won't have a final exam for that, and I don't think I'll have a final exam for photography either, we have 11 tasks to do over the semester in the tutorial, and if we complete all 11 tasks then we pass the photo class. We have to option of also doing a thematic project if we wanted to get a better grade than just a pass. I don't know if I care enough, all I have to do is pass my classes and I get the credit at SCSU for them, and they don't affect my GPA at all because they don't work on the letter grade system here. So I guess it depends on how much work I want to do, but I guess I'll figure that out later on in the semester. So really, the only exam I think I will have at the end of the semester is my Chemistry one. So that's pretty awesome.

Other than that, nothing too exciting is going on, everyone here has seemed to settle down into "school mode" so there isn't as much partying as there was during O-week, but I'm sure when the weekend rolls around it will get a bit more rambunctious around here. I'm still not too homesick, I really like it here in Lismore, I just hate the big ass hill I have to climb up everyday after class, but other than that it's great here! I'm loving it!

Narcolepsy

2008-02-20T21:15:00.002-06:00

I'm so tired. I was out at a club last night. I crashed out at home around 2-2:30 am. I had a good time though. Dancing the night away, having a few drinks, it's a great time. It's so easy to make friends here, people are so nice and friendly, so much nicer than they usually are in America. I really don't know what's up with that. Tonight is apparently the biggest party of the semester at the Uni Bar, but I don't have a ticket! They sold out! Apparently they sold 900 tickets for it, 900!!! And it's not that big of a bar! I'm kinda glad I'm not going actually, I wouldn't be able to move in there! I think I'm just going to have a quiet night in, I've had a few long nights this week, so staying in might be good for me.

I worked out my class schedule yesterday, I don't have any class on Monday! That's so awesome! I might not have any classes on Thursday either, but we'll see how that pans out. I like the way they do classes here. You have one lecture a week, and then you have a two hour lab or tutorial as they call it here. That's it! I wish it was like that in the States. I hate having class everyday. So class officially starts on Monday, but I don't start until Tuesday! Pretty awesome!

Land Down Under

2008-02-17T00:29:00.003-06:00

I'm here! It's awesome! I love Australia so much! We went to Byron Bay today, so I had a lot of fun at the beach and walking around the shops and stuff. They were having the surf resucue races or whatever they're called, so that was really fun to watch. Tomorrow is orientation day, so lots of sitting around listening to people talk and talk, and then I'll register for my classes. I don't actually start classes until the 25th! So I still have another week! Kinda crazy. Anyways, not much else to report as of now. I've met a lot of really cool people and started making friends with people. Everyone here is so nice, and all the Aussies are really laid back. Which I kind of expected, but it's really cool. Anyways, this is just a little post to let you all know I'm still alive and that I'm doing well! I'll update later with more!

Many the Miles

2008-02-10T02:51:00.000-06:00

So, three days. That's it. I'm GOING TO AUSTRALIA in THREE DAYS! Holy crap, how the hell did that come so fast? I'm really really excited about it, but I'm also starting to get nervous. I'm going to be there for 5 months, I've never been away from home for that long. It's my big test to see if I'm ready to grow up. I think I am. But if I don't survive this, I may not survive after college when I'm going to have to grow up. I think I'll be ok though.

I'm really looking forward to going though, as there's been so much drama involved getting there, drama that I don't really want to get into here, but basically I have been stressing for the past two weeks since I found out the school didn't buy me an airplane ticket due to a huge miscommunication between me and the organizer lady. But we have sorted it out, even if I had to pay $600 more than the other students for my ticket. I'm still going there, but I'm not on the group flight with the other kids, I'm by myself and I'm flying to Sydney and then taking another flight from Sydney to Byron Bay where Uncle Pete and Auntie Den are going to pick me up and drive me to Lismore, because they are amazing and awesome, and are definitely my favorite Aunt and Uncle right now. The other kids are flying to Brisbane and then being bussed down to the University by the school. But not me. Oh well. That's life I guess, and it wouldn't be my life if it wasn't stressful and complex and having everything go wrong . It always does, so I'm kinda used to it. I'm like a magnet for problems or something. Hopefully that will change as I get older.

So yeah, other than that, I'm doing good. I need to start packing soon though, and I have a list of errands to do as long as my arm, but that's normal I guess when you're leaving the country for so long. Wednesday is going to be here before I know it. Wow.

I really really hope that there are some massively hot guys that I meet there in Oz, I'm getting a little tired of being single. I need to get my flirt on! It's been way too long. Speaking of boys, I talked to Travis online tonight, I haven't spoken to him since I left St Cloud last December. I kept on meaning to write him an email, but never got around to it. Apparently he was in the hospital for awhile, he has diabetes and asthma, and he got really bad pneumonia and broncitis, so it all just piled up and he got really sick. I kinda felt bad that I hadn't stayed in touch with him more, he's basically the only friend I have in St Cloud. But, he's doing a lot better now, which is good. I promised him that I would keep in touch more when I'm in Australia. And I will. I will try my best to keep in touch with everyone. And that reminds me, if anyone wants me to send them postcards while I'm there or something, email me your home address so I can send them to you. :)

Wow!

2008-01-22T20:17:00.000-06:00

First of all, Heath Ledger passing away, terribly tragic. I'm really sad about this, he seemed like a decent fellow, and he was an amazing actor, he has such a bright future ahead of him. I feel for his family and especially for his daughter. She's so young, such a tragedy. :( RIP Heath...

Second, on a happier note, I made my own Harry Potter video last night! I finally figured out how to use Windows Movie Maker, so I was playing around with it and made a video! I think it's pretty good for a first attempt, there are some parts where the editing could have been a bit smoother, as it's a little choppy, but I'm pretty proud of it. Anyways, here it is:

What do you all think? :)

Amazing Because it is

2008-01-18T04:37:00.000-06:00

So I will update you guys on the rest of my New York trip in my next post, I'm too lazy to do it right now, but I decided that it's been awhile since I did a Harry Potter video post, so I'm going to do some right now! I found a new person on youtube that makes really good ones, so I spent a large portion of the evening watching vids and wasting time. So that was fun, anyways, onto the videos!

Here is one about Harry vs. Voldie. It's well done I think.

This is a Ron/Hermione one and also a bit of the trio thrown in there as well.

And of course, the requisite Harry/Ginny one. :)

And a non HP related video...it's a Pride & Prejudice one! My other obsession! Lol. It's a good vid though.

New York, New York

2008-01-14T20:22:00.000-06:00

So I had a fantastic time with James and Rach and little Lucy in Buffalo last week. Lucy is freakin' adorable, as I expected. And she was almost rolling when I was there, but it looks like she actually did her first roll right after I left. Typical. Lol. But yeah, I had fun with them. We didn't do too much, which was nice because I got to relax a bit before I came to NYC, which is all hustle and bustle and completely exhausting.

So I got here to New York last Saturday, and I'm here until Weds morning when I fly back to Minneapolis. I can't even remember all that I did on each specific day, it's sort of a big blur to me. But I have been to Times Square, and Rockefellar Center and seen the ice rink and all that and tonight I went up to the top of the Empire State Building to get a view of NYC all lit up at night, and I got some pictures of that, so that was pretty cool, even if the ticket was $20. *sigh* I also went to the Met and saw some crazy cool exhibits that weren't all just paintings. I didn't get to see Wicked, there were too many people going for the rush tickets, so I decided to hop on the ferry that went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, so that was pretty cool. Ellis Island is actually pretty interesting, and since I'm an immigrant to this country it kind of had a bit of a significance to me, even if I didn't come here when Ellis Island was still open. So that was really cool wandering through the museum there and seeing all the old pictures and stuff. Coming back to NYC it was dark and I got a really great view of the harbour at night, and that was definitely worth the $20 I spent. Lol. Other than that I've sort of wandered around the city and just experienced it. My legs kill, and feet are so sore, and I'm definitely looking forward to going home on Weds, but it's been good. I'm glad I came. It's given me a lot of time to think about my life and where I'm headed with it and all that, and I think things are a lot clearer now for me than they were before. So that's a positive too.

Anyways, tomorrow night is the taping of The Daily Show, which I'm super psyched about. I can't wait, I think it's gonna be so much fun. Jon Stewart is my hero. Lol. And ohter than that I don't have much more planned. I leave me hostel early on Weds morning and will have to brave the rush hour in the subway to get to JFK, but I think I'll manage it.

21 and Invincible

2008-01-06T23:45:00.000-06:00

I'm a legal adult now. I can drink alcohol. Should I feel older? Wiser perhaps? Cause I don't really. I'm just excited that I can order drinks now! Which I did tonight at dinner with the family. I got a rum and coke, which was delicious. And I got ID'd for the first time of what will be many! Lol. It was fun cause I don't have my new license, and the waitress was like, wait a minute...and then it clicked that it was my birthday today. Haha. And I got a free ice cream sundae since it was my birthday! So that was nice. :)

Other than that, nothing big is going on. I'm just mentally preparing myself for my trip to Buffalo and New York City, which I leave for Buffalo on Tuesday. I'm really excited about seeing James and Rach again! I'm feeling a little bit nervous about being in NYC for 4 days all by myself, but I'm excited as well! It will be an adventure. And if I really want to backpack Europe for 2 months in a few years, I had better get used to being on my own. Mom and dad gave me some money for my birthday so I could do see Wicked when I'm in NYC, so that's really awesome of them, as I really wasn't expecting anything since they already got me my new travel backpack. And I get to see a taping of the Daily Show when I'm there as the show is now back in production! I get to see Jon Stewart in person! I'm so excited! He's like my hero. :D So yeah, all in all, it seems to be shaping up to be a pretty awesome trip. I'm sure I'll get over my nerves soon too.

And as a parting gift for you all as I don't think I'll blog until I'm back from my trip, here are some new photos of the actress who is playing Lavender Brown in the 6th Harry Potter movie. Lol. I am a Harry Potter geek, so how can have an entry without atleast one mention of it?!? I like these photos much better than the other ones we got back in November. She looks much more Lavender-ish. She's quite pretty too. :)

Live It Up

2008-01-01T20:31:00.000-06:00

So I got back today from a few days in Eau Claire to hang out with Court and her boyfriend Aaron and to party it up with them at their party on New Year's Eve. I went down on Sunday and had fun that night. They invited some people over to do a power hour (you do a shot of beer every minute along with a power hour CD), I didn't last long with that as I don't like beer so I used my mix drink I had, but it was a lot stronger than beer. So I sat out most of it. After that we played a little beer pong and just hung out and stuff. It was a good time. Then on Monday, we went out and got some food, went to the mall, just kind of killed time until the party started that night. The party was a lot of fun, definitely the best New Year's I've had. We all got pretty drunk, but it was ok, I'm not a huge party girl, so I always think it's ok to let loose now and then. I don't really know what else to say about that! I posted all the drunken pictures on facebook and flickr, so check them out if you want a laugh!

Merry Xmas Everybody

2007-12-26T00:30:00.000-06:00

So it's xmas...and my car stereo got jacked! So not cool! I was pretty pissed about that. Atleast I still have all my CDs. I was more upset about the thought of losing all those, and you feel kind of violated in a way since someone was rifling through all your stuff and taking things and what not. Not cool at all.

Other than that, the day was pretty quiet. Not a big xmas this year, opening presents was over in like 2 minutes. Lol. I basically spent the day listening to music and just chilling out. We had fun over dinner though, and I took some piccies! I posted them on facebook and flickr. So check em out! Also, first time taking a video with my camera, so I just taped us in the kitchen after dinner cleaning up and all that sort of thing. Lol. Hope this works!

Hope everyone had a great day! :)

Good to be gone

2007-12-22T01:49:00.000-06:00

I'm finally done! Yipeeeeeee! I've been back at home now since Tuesday night, and I've done absolutely nothing since I've been home, it's nice. Though I do miss TV a bit. Oh well.

I'm going to Buffalo in about 3 weeks, and I can't wait! It's gonna be great to see James and Rach again, it's been so long since their wedding! And of course, meeting Lucy for the first time will be awesome! I can't wait to give that little one a cuddle from her Auntie Megs! :)

And things are looking much better for my time in NYC, the Broadway strike is over, so I can try to get tickets for Wicked now, which is awesome! I've wanted to see it forever, I really hope I can get some rush tickets for that! Also, The Daily Show is starting production again on January 7th, though I don't know if they will start filming shows that early, but I'm going to find out if they will be shooting a show on the day I had reserved a ticket for before the writer's strike hit, so I'm still waiting to see what happens with that. But I'm really looking forward to being in the city again, I love NYC, it's such a fun city, and there's so much in it that I have yet to see, I'm sure I can fill up my 3 days there with lots to do! :) Can't wait!

Oh Me, Oh My

2007-12-14T16:07:00.001-06:00

I'm in Harry Potter overload right now! On Tuesday, when the DVD for Order of the Phoenix was released, there was a new sneak peek that was released on the HP website, that people could access with their DVDs, and of course it ended up on youtube a few hours later...and it was awesome! It got me so excited for the movie, maily because they shows a little snippet of a Harry and Ginny scene, and since they're my favorite couple/relationship from the book, I was VERY excited to see that! Anyways, if you haven't heard about this yet, or seen it, this is the sneak peek here:

Exciting right?? :D And yesterday, the first production still was released by the WB, along with the movie summary. Here they are:

"Fantasy Adventure. Voldemort is tightening his grip on both the Muggle and wizarding worlds and Hogwarts is no longer the safe haven it once was. Harry suspects that dangers may even lie within the castle, but Dumbledore is more intent upon preparing him for the final battle that he knows is fast approaching. Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort’s defenses and, to this end, Dumbledore recruits his old friend and colleague, the well-connected and unsuspecting bon vivant Professor Horace Slughorn, whom he believes holds crucial information. Meanwhile, the students are under attack from a very different adversary as teenage hormones rage across the ramparts. Harry finds himself more and more drawn to Ginny, but so is Dean Thomas. And Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hadn’t counted on Romilda Vane’s chocolates! And then there’s Hermione, simpering with jealously but determined not to show her feelings. As romance blossoms, one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one. Love is in the air, but tragedy lies ahead and Hogwarts may never be the same again."

So, my Harry Potter geekness is coming out again...but I don't care! Lol. I can't wait for next November for the movie to be released, it's gonna be so cool! Also, Robert Pattinson, who played Cedric Diggory, just got cast in a new movie, based on the teen book, Twilight, as the male lead, Edward. This is a such a big deal! Many people think that the Twilight book series could become the next Harry Potter phenomenon. Well, maybe not as big as Harry, but still very popular, as they are already. So yeah, it's just been a good week for Harry Potter fans, and meeeeeeeee! :)

Chop Chop

2007-12-10T16:02:00.001-06:00

So I got my hair cut today! Yay! It looks pretty good, though I wasn't super impressed with the lady who did it. I got bangs cut, but she cut them too long, which is annoying, and it almost seems like she didn't cut enough of the front pieces of hair too, so I don't know about that. And with my natural hair part down the middle of my hair, they are still going out to the sides...so I'll have to play around with that and see what I can do to make it look a bit more bang-y. I trimmed them myself when I got home to make them at the length I wanted them, and I think I did a pretty good job! Here's some pictures of what my hair looks like now, what do you think?

Slow Down

2007-12-05T21:32:00.000-06:00

So tomorrow I have my speech science project presentation thing, so soon that will be all over, thank goodness! And I think that tomorrow after all my classes, I'm having a day off doing school work. I'm tired and burned out from all the work I've been doing, and I think I just need a night to relax and unwind and sit an veg out. And then on Friday, I don't work, so I'll start writing my research paper for speech science that is due next Thursday. I think it's a good plan. I just really really need a day to sit and watch TV and eat some chocolate. Lol.

(Breathe) 2 AM

2007-12-04T02:02:00.000-06:00

So, update on the workload, and this is more a mental checklist for myself to make sure I get everything done. I finshed my speech science lab write up, and the acoustics exam remediation since I didn't do so well on the exam and aren't qualified by ASHA if I don't prove somehow that I understand the concepts of acoustics. So that's all done and I should meet the criteria. I also picked another passage to transcribe for phonetics, and he just assigned this today, so that's super annoying. So I typed that up and left space for me to transcribe, I finished half of my takehome test for anatomy that's due on weds, typed up my part in my group speech science project and sent it to Greta who's compliling everyone's seperate parts in a handout for the class, and did some more research for my human development project. *sigh* So I'm chipping away at it, slowly but surely, I didn't get my math done tonight as I wanted to, but it's already 2 am, and I'm tired, and I have class in the morning so I better go to bed. I can do my math tomorrow after I'm done with classes.

I can't wait to be done! Only two more weeks!

Maybe

2007-12-01T00:14:00.000-06:00

I kinda want to get bangs cut into my hair. Not the sidesweep ones that I tried last year cause I don't have enough patience for those. Lol. Just the regular straight across the forehead ones. But like cute ones, not like I had when I was 10. :) Court just got her hair cut again and she got bangs cut again and it looks super cute! She also died her hair dark brown again, and now looks like Rory Gilmore. She's funny. Anyways, I think I have a big forehead, and I would like to hide it. Everytime I come onto my blog I see that stupid picture of me to the side and I notice how big my forehead looks. :/ Hmmmm....any comments on that? I don't know what to do. I kinda also want to dye my hair red again too. I'm bored with it. I wonder if I bought like 3 boxes of hairdye if it would work better than it ususally does. Cause we usually run out cause I have so much hair! I should ask mom about that. But I like being a redhead. It's fun! Box dye would be a lot cheaper than going to the salon, but then again it would look better if I went to the salon, and then they could cut it at the same time. I'm getting more shifts now, so I could put a little aside for a trip to Coles over break. Hmmmm.... (sorry for my rambling, I'm kinda like thinking aloud here)

It's supposed to snow a foot tonight. Not cool. At all. I really hate winter. I hate snow. I hate walking outside and having my whole face freeze in 5 seconds. I can't wait till I go to Australia and it'll be sunny and warm, the kind of weather I love. I really do need to get out of Minnesota as soon as I graduate. It's too cold here.

Again, sorry for the rambling. I'm bored and tired, and don't know what to do. So I blog. Lol. Hmmmm...maybe I'll watch a few videos on youtube and then hit the sack. I'm working again tomorrow afternoon.

Basket Case

2007-11-28T23:46:00.000-06:00

I'm soooooo stressed right now. The amount of work I have to do within the next two weeks is freaking me out. I have two group presentations to do, I have a research paper to write, I have to learn how to transcribe phonetically perfectly so I can ace my final, study for all my finals, and somehow pull off a B or B+ in all my classes. I don't know if I can do it. Every semester though, I get this way. I slack off until the last month of the semester until I realize I need to kick it into high gear, and somehow manage to ace all my finals and pull my grades up. But, this semester my classes are HARD. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I'm doing this major, it's so much work, the classes are really technical and scientific and probably meant for someone who has more motivation and honestly smarter than me. I feel like I'm getting in way over my head. But, I really enjoy what I learn, and I find it all really interesting. i think I just need to more self discipline and actually sit down and hit the books every night. I always say I'm going to do it, but I never do. School sucks. I do work well under pressure though, as evidenced by all my previous successes with passing all my finals in previous semesters. I really really hope I can do it again this semester.

This week just seemed to go by so quickly though. I worked Sunday, had a group meeting on Monday night for a math project that was turned in today, Tuesday I was doing research on cleft palate in preparation for my group meeting tonight for Speech Science, we're doing our presentation next Thursday, and I think all the girls in my group are stressed about it. Tomorrow I have another group meeting and research session for my Human Development project. Friday night I'm working, Saturday I work and more school work after it, Sunday I work, Monday I work, and after that is more group meetings at night followed by more and more work for my classes. It's an endless cycle! A really tiring, stressful cycle. I will be so glad when December 19th rolls around, as I'll finally be done with all my finals and will be going home to relax for two months and then onto the land of OZ!

Better Days

2007-11-28T01:51:00.000-06:00

So, I haven't posted a HP video in a little while and I've found some amazing ones recently. This one is my absolute favorite right now. It is supposed to follow the story of Deathly Hallows, so if you keep that in mind, it totally does. And the song fits it so well, and it's an amzing editing job. Lol.

And who doesn't love a good Ron/Hermoine fluff video?? :D

And for good measure, a Harry/Ginny fluff video! These make me super happy.

Never Say "I Told You So"

2007-11-27T00:58:00.000-06:00

Well, the day I have been dreading for awhile has come. Nick is officially dating someone else. And who is this new girl...surprise surprise it's Cori. Yup, the one girl I was jealous of the whole time I was with Nick. *sigh* I talked to him online tonight, and because I was talking about this with Court when I saw her Saturday night, I decided to ask him if there was something going on with him and Cori now, and after about a half hour of talking about it he finally admitted that yes, they were together now.

I knew this would happen eventually. I just knew that Cori would be the next one. She's been hanging around for years now waiting for him to finally make his move. I bet she was sooooooo happy when we broke up last year. God, it's been a year now. It doesn't seem that long ago. Kinda fitting I guess to find out almost to the day when the boy who broke your heart into a million little pieces is now seeing someone you never trusted all along.

I'm trying so hard to be the bigger person here, and I'm trying to not let this affect me. But, it does. It hurts. I suppose it always hurts when you find out your ex is well and truly over you and moved on to someone else. Though, I didn't feel this way when I found out about Marti and Margeux...but I suppose I had a much more real relationship and much more intense one with Nick.

I honestly had always hoped that I would be the one to start seeing someone first, cause it would have been so much easier for me when Nick found another girl. But I guess I always knew that it wouldn't happen that way. I guess the good thing out of this is that I finally have some closure. I know now it's good and done.

And with that I am now saying goodbye to Nick and his place he had in my life, and I'm letting it all go. This will be the last time I mention his name in this blog. I know I've said that before, but I really really mean it this time. So for Nick, it is...

the end.

Save Ginny Weasley from Dean Thomas...

2007-11-15T00:14:00.000-06:00

haha. Goood song. So, everyone knows how much of a harry potter FREAK I am, as seen by all the HP fanvids that I post up on here. I am BEYOND excited for the 6th movie, which they are currently filming right now, and there are all these little bits of news that keep on coming out about casting for characters and stuff. And yesterday it was announced that Lavender Brown, Ron's first girlfriend, aka the girl to make Hermoine jealous, has been cast! The actresses' name is Jessie Cave, who is fairly unknown, though she has done a few things before being cast in Harry Potter. Here's a pic of her.So, I think they did a good job with that one. She looks just like I pictured her, which is awesome. And this got me all jazzed up on the new movie, so I started to troll the Harry Potter forum boards on certain sites, and people are going insane on these! There are these people that are hysterical because they feel that Ginny has gotten the shaft in movies, and that her character hasn't been developed enough for her and Harry's relationship in the last two movies realistic and believeable, which in a way, I agree with, but these people just go on and on about it. Lol. Like it's THE most important thing in the world right now. I'm kinda glad I'm not that obsessive a fan, though I do have my moments, I will admit it. I think the only person who really understands my obsession with Harry Potter is dad, as we've had long conversations about things in the books and movies. He's almost as obsessed as me I think! :) Anyways, this has fueled my HP obsession for now, which I'm sure will die down once less news is coming out from the film set, but for now, after this geeky dorky post, I leave you with yet another Harry Potter fanvid. This is actually quite a good one, as it shows all the kids and how they've grown up over the movies, while also at the end paying tribute to the fallen characters in the last two books. It's a good one, I like it. :)

Things You Say

2007-11-14T10:17:00.000-06:00

How do you know you're a CSD student? You start phonetically spelling everything you hear in your mind, and when you're writing notes in class you start writing everything phonetically and not in regular English. Yup, I'm being taken over by phonetics, just as Dr. LaVoi said we would. *sigh*

Silent Night

2007-11-10T19:45:00.000-06:00

I'm already in the xmas mood, which I know is a bit early, but I do love christmas music and movies, and this year I've decided to start a little bit earlier than usual. When I went to Target to buy more food today, I swung by the DVDs to see if there was anything good, and I saw The Holiday for $10! Christmas movie with Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, and Jack Black for only 10 bucks?!? I think so! So I bought it, and watched it when I got back and now I'm listening to copius amounts of cheesy xmas tunes, which of course is in a playlist in itunes. Haha. I'm also hankering to watch Love Actually now, another delightful British xmas movie, which I watch every year about 5 times from around Thanksgiving to xmas day. I'm a loser I know, but I can't help myself!

I don't know if it's because I feel like xmas this year isn't going to be a really big deal, as each year it seems to get less and less, and I'm not really getting anything as I already got my backpack from mom and dad which is also for my birthday as well cause it was ridiculously expensive (but necessary!), so my birthday isn't really going to be a big deal either, which is a little sad because to me it's a big one, turning 21 kind of is. So, I guess because of that I feel like I need to get into the holiday mood a bit early to compensate and maybe get me excited about it. Hmmmm...or maybe I'm just making excuses cause I love the music so much! :P

In any case, between now and December 25th I expect to overload on xmas, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. :)

Waiting

2007-11-10T01:42:00.000-06:00

Soooo, 'bout time I updated eh? I haven't really been doing a whole lot, just sitting around a lot, and school stuff, and whatever. Not real exciting right now. It's my life, I'm used to it. I'm just waiting for the semester to be over so all my tests and big projects I have to do will be done, and I'll have a nice long break and then I'll be down in sunny Australia! Everyday that goes by, I get more and more excited about it! :)

So, I love music, I'm pretty darn sure all of you know that. And I swing from different artists and songs all the time, and I'll obsess over something for a week and then not listen to it for like 6 months. So, last time I blogged it was Maria Mena, this week it's Girls Aloud! A British girl group that was formed on an American Idol type show (actually before AI was on in the US) called Popstars:The Rivals, where they auditioned people and then let the general viewing public choose 5 guys and 5 girls to be in seperate girl/boy bands who would then record a single and duel it out for the christmas charts (which is apparently a big deal in the UK), and these girls' single "Sound of the Underground" actually was the #1 single, and apprently they are the first girl group to debut with a no. 1 single ever, so that's pretty impressive. Many people didn't think they would last long as usually these reality show bands/people don't, as evidenced by the boy group that was formed, they sucked and disbanded quickly. But, GA proved they had staying power and have had 16 consecutive top 10 hits, which basically means that all of their singles that they have released have debuted in the top 10, which is another record, they just beat Destiny's Child for that one. Anyways, that was a nice little history of the group, they have a new album coming out, which I preordered from the UK, cause I really really want it! And, like usual, here's a youtube video of one of my fave songs by them, "Whole Lotta History". It's a pretty ballad thingy. By the way, my favorite one out of the 5 is Nicola Roberts, the red head. I think she has pretty voice, which kind of reminds me of my own! Haha. :)

Calm Under the Waves

2007-11-01T16:14:00.000-06:00

So, I have a new favorite song. And it is "Calm Under the Waves" by Maria Mena. It's just a really quiet, peaceful song, and with Maria's breathy sort of husky voice, it sounds beautiful. Anyways, here's the lyrics for it, and after that is the actual song that someone made a video to on youtube. By the way, I'm not like suicidal or depressed or anything, I just like this song is really sad and emotional and really beautiful, and it gets to me. :)

I walk barefoot where the water drowns the sand
with you no longer here to hold my hand
I let go
I let go
The ocean makes my swelling heart feel small
With the sounds it makes you won't hear it if I call
I let go
I let go
There's a breeze in the air
There's a boat anrchored out here
There's a calm under the waves so I choose to sink
Your skin protected me from sunbeams
Your hands made sure I'd stay intact
I let go
I let go
You were always there to walk me home
With you not here, the streets I roam
I let go
I let go
There's a breeze in the air
There's a boat anrchored out here
There's a calm under the waves as I choose to sink
With your voice in my head
I would float here instead
But there's a calm under the waves
So I choose to sink
I'm tired now
I'll see you when I wake up
I've heard it's pretty where you are
I let go
I let go
There's a breeze.

Welcome to Paradise

2007-10-29T23:03:00.000-06:00

I had the BEST night last night that I've had in a long time. I had soooooo much fun at the Dashboard Confessional concert with Courtney, and Aaron who ended up tagging along with us. It was the 6th time I had gone to see a Dashboard show, and it was by far the best one yet. It actually ended up being a solo acoustic thing with just Chris, and one other back up guitarist. No bass, no drums. It was amazing. He played a lot of older songs that he usually doesn't play in concerts, so that was really awesome too. He was also really chatty, just like telling stories and interacting with crowd. It was really cool. The opening band, Augustana, was really really good too. I thought that their set was too short though, I was just getting into the groove of it and they stopped. Which sucked, but hopefully I'll go to a concert where they are headlining and enjoy it a lot more. The other cool thing was that after the concert we stopped by the merch table, and the lead singer of Augustana (his name is Dan something or other) was hanging out saying hi to the fans and stuff, so me and Court got our photos taken with him and said hi. I said he played a good show, and he was like thanks. Haha. It was really funny. He has a really really good voice though, so that was cool. I got lots of good photos too, I posted them all up on my flickr account if you want to check them out. Only a few ended up being blurry, so that was pretty good. Here's just a few though...
That's Augustana playing this really cool acoustic song, they all sang a little part in it, and at the end had these awesome harmonies! It was my favorite song they played.
And there is my future husband (lol) Mr. Christopher Ender Carrabba himself. Soooooo amazing.
And that's me and Dan from Augustana! Cute huh?!? :P

Silver Lining

2007-10-28T00:31:00.000-05:00

So I just got home from a day and half at home hanging out with the fam and Glen and Heather Nichols, which was a lot of fun. It was really nice seeing them again, and even though I don't know them that well, I feel like I do. I don't know if it's because we knew them when we lived in Sydney, or the shared OI experience or what, but it's just really easy to talk to them and really share anything with them. So that was nice. It was nice getting to know them better as well, as I had always been younger when we saw them and only related to them on the kid level, it's a completely different thing as an adult, but I liked it.

Anyways, we were talking and catching up and stuff, and I was telling them about Nick and everything, and for once I actually felt ok about things. Usually when the subject of Nick comes up I either get (a) really sad or (b) really angry and bitter, and this time I didn't really feel either of those. I feel like I've come to a place where I've accepted what happened and I have moved on from it. It only took me a year to do! Haha.

So, I left home at around 10 pm and drove back up to St Cloud as I have the Dashboard concert with Courtney tomorrow (which I'm really really excited about! eeeee!) and I had Brand New blasting out of the stereo to keep me awake, and it got me thinking more about things with Nick and our relationship and how I feel about things now. I realized that I don't regret anything that I went through with him, even all the bad stuff that happened at the end, because it's all life experience and I learned from it and I did grow up a lot because of it. That relationship changed my life in a way, it changed the way I see the world and people around me. And for the better too. So that's a good thing that came out of it. I also realized that there's a part of me that will always love Nick, I honestly don't think that will ever go away. He was my first real love, and you don't really tend to forget that, and he will always have a place in me because of that. But, when I think about that and about him, I tend to think about all the good times we had at the beginning when we had a lot of fun together and when we really did love each other a lot and how much that meant to me at the time. I don't really think about the bad things anymore, I'm over all the shit he pulled on me and how he screwed me around, and honestly I have forgiven him. I don't hold anything against him anymore, I really have moved on in my life. He's just in the past now.

I feel like after thinking about all this stuff and after all I realized and stuff, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I honestly feel like physically healthier and happier and stuff. I know it sounds really weird, but I do. I really feel like I let everything go, and I forgave him, and I don't feel angry or bitter about anything anymore. I'm ok. It's like on the drive home all my anger just floated away and it's somewhere between Apple Valley and St Cloud. I know it sounds super weird, but I really feel that way. Everything just seems clearer. It's a great feeling.

This is a much nicer post after my last one isn't it? Things are starting to look up I think.

:)

When It All Falls Apart

2007-10-17T21:48:00.000-05:00

I've been kind of in a slump lately. I don't really know exactly why, but I've just been a bit down and out of sorts. I haven't felt like doing anything for the past few days, so its been hard for me to get motivated to do anything. So, I kind of skipped my classes today, except for math because I had a test, and I slept, cause this morning sleep seemed more important to me than getting up and going to class. And me skipping class to sleep has been happening more and more lately. And I kind of hate myself for it, cause I'm paying money for these classes, and it's important that I go, but I just have no motivation for it. I just want to lay around doing nothing all day.

I really want to go home too, and see mom and dad, it's been too long. But I can't this weekend cause I have my study abroad orientation all day on Saturday and I work Sunday night. But I just really want to see mom and get a hug. I really miss them. I really hope I don't have a problem with homesickness when I'm Australia. I don't want to be all sad and lonely when I'm there. I hope it all goes okay. I'm really starting to stress out about all that now because of the finacial side of it and all that. My tuition and fees and books cost more than I thought it would this semester, so it took more out of my loan money than I thought, so I don't have as much as I thought I would for Australia, and I'm not saving much at all because I get one shift a week at work right now. Even though I have asked for more hours from Tom, it hasn't happened. I think I just need to get off my ass and talk to Matthew about it, and hopefully he can help me out. Right now, my paychecks basically cover my gas and/or my food that I buy to eat in the room. That's it. I don't get paid much at all. Hopefully with the holiday season coming up though, I will be able to get more shifts and work and start saving more. Also, I have 4 days now in New York in January that I'm going to have to pay for accommodation for since Brendon won't be there anymore and I can't crash on his couch, so that sucks. I really wasn't planning on that, so now I'm trying to scrimp and save so I will be able to stay somewhere and also so I can actually eat and have a little bit of fun while I'm there. And I don't want to have to put it on my credit card, cause I'm trying to pay that off as much as possible so I don't have to worry about that when I have no income coming in for like 6 months.

Maybe all this stress that I'm piling on top of myself is part of the reason why I'm feeling so down lately. I just think constantly about it. Plus, I'm still thinking about what I'm going to do after I'm all done with my degree because I can't just live in the present, I have to think about the future too. I keep on going back and forth between staying in the US and going to grad school or completely forgetting about that and moving to either the UK or Australia and try to get a job there. I jsut don't know what I want to do! And I feel like I need to figure this out because time is just going to go by so fast, and before I know it I'll be graduating and getting my degree and I still won't know what to do.

I think I need a change of scenery, and hopefully Australia will help with that and help make a lot of things clear for me. I hope. God, growing up really really sucks. :(

Omg

2007-10-15T16:36:00.000-05:00

I just watched this one after my last post, and I was laughing so hard I almost started to cry. It's a good one.

How much do I love You tube?

2007-10-15T15:47:00.000-05:00

So, I've been watching some clips of Thank God You're Here, which is a comedy improv show in Australia, and they have well known comedians and celebrities come on and put them into crazy situations and they don't know what they are walking into, and they have to improv the whole thing. It's pretty funny, and I'm going to post a few of my favorite ones on here.

This one is with Matthew Newton, aka the guy who commits suicide in Looking For Alibrandi, aka my favorite movie ever. So, obviously I had to see how he is with comedy, and it was pretty good!

This is with Josh Lawson, no idea who that is, but he's pretty funny.

And this one is with Hamish Blake, a comedian and radio host in Australia. He's a really funny guy.

Pet Peeve

2007-10-13T03:16:00.000-05:00

So, while watching Neighbours, I have noticed one thing, and it's annoying me. These characters fall in out of love so darn quickly. It's so unrealistic, then again most things are unrealistic. But like, they date someone for a week and say they're in love with them. Then again, I think they word "love" is used far too liberally these days. Definitely something that should change I think.

Food for thought.

Funniest thing ever!

2007-10-06T18:17:00.000-05:00

Well, I think it's funny. So I've been watching a bit of Neighbours online again, and I just watched this episode that was mentioned on Rove Live in 2006. It was really funny in the episode, and just taken completely out of context as it was on Rove, it's even funnier. So, here's the clip for you!

Funny thing for the day

2007-10-02T00:23:00.000-05:00

Omg, so I'm watching How I Met Your Mother episodes online, and I'm up to the Thanksgiving episode of the 1st season of it, and two of the characters, Marshall and Lily, went to visit Marshall's family in, get this, Saint Cloud, Minnesota! I seriously like laughed out loud when they said that. And they totally misrepresented the town too, which means they probably threw a dart at a map of Minnesota to find what town Marshall was from. I just found it hilarious. And I know no one else cares, but I do. Lol. :P

Sitting, Wating, Wishing

2007-09-30T22:44:00.001-05:00

So I think I should just swear off boys completely. I mean, really who needs them? *sigh* I just cannot figure Travis out! He's like the king of mixed messages! I mean, I thought he liked me, he did tell me that over the summer, but sometimes he doesn't act like it, and other times he does. I really hate playing games, and I especially hate it when people screw me around. And he seems to do it to me a bit. We went on the datish thing like 3 weeks ago, but we haven't hung out since, and he hasn't called me since. We see each other at work, and he's always really chatty. He like waves to me when I walk by, and stuff like that. Oh and tonight, he came back on his break to music and hung out with me for a bit, and I went on my break to cafe and talked to him then, and he came back randomly at one point in the night too, I have no idea why he did, just to talk to me, even though he's not supposed to leave cafe like I'm not supposed to leave music. And he called my phone in music from cafe too! So like, tonight it was like he liked me, and he asked me what i was doing tonight, and I said nothing, and he was like cool. I got back to my room after work and saw he has said hi to me on AIM (I forgot I was still signed on), so I called him, but apparently I had just missed him.

So what's his deal? I can't figure him out. And if he wants to hang out, why the hell doesn't he just call me? Ugh, I'm so tired of trying to figure him out. And he really doesn't seem like the kind of guy to screw a girl around, he's too honest for that. So, I don't know whats going on. I just kinda want to sit him down and just ask him what he thinks. But, I'm pretty sure I'm too scared to do that. I hate rejection. But, really he's kinda doing my head in! *sigh*

Decisions, Decisions

2007-09-29T20:39:00.001-05:00

So, I got a new ipod cause my old one died, it was 3 years old, so I was a little annoyed, but not surprised. I bought a new ipod nano, it was like 200 bucks for an 8GB one, which is a lot less than my old one, but I don't need all my music on it, just my favorite. And I needed a new one now cause I can't live without an ipod anymore, especially with all my trips that are coming up in the next few months. And the thing with the new nanos is that they are sooooo small. Mine is tiny! I took a picture to compare the size with my hand, and I have pretty small hands.Also, I've been thinking more and more about what I'm going to do with myself after I graduate with my Bachelors, cause even though I won't graduate until 2010, I think time is gonna go by pretty damn quick. So, I'm now thinking about going to grad school, cause the second year is basically internships and getting clinical experience, which will help me get a job. And yes, it costs a lot, but there are a lot of scholarships and stipends for graduate assistants, which I would apply for. So, I think I can make it work. So, I've been looking at some different schools on the east coast, cause that's where I would want to go since Brendon will be over there, and James and Rach are over there, and mom and dad are prolly gonna move over that way too. So it just makes sense. So the schools I'm looking at right now are Emerson College in Boston, and Ithaca College in Ithaca, New York. They both seem to have really good programs, and they are both really expensive, but I think it would be worth it. Amherst also looks good too. So I guess those are like my top 3 right now.

I'll Stand By You

2007-09-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

So, on a whim today I picked up one of the free copies of the Star Tribune that they have here for the students in an attempt to make us more intellectual and informed (haha). And, on the second or third page, even though I honestly thought it should have been the major headline on the front page, they had a story about the violence and protests going on in Burma (I refuse to call it Myanmar in solidarity with the Burmese people). Now, I didn't know a whole lot about this before reading this article, but I was shocked (!) with what I read. I'm all for democracy and letting people have their civil liberties and stuff, and it's just absolutely apalling to me the way these people live there. They have no rights, other than the right to religion. Most are destitute, and the old middle class is now the poverty stricken. The only people doing ok there are the military leaders, and I remember watching something on MSNBC a few days ago about a general's daughter that recently got married and her wedding cost something like 50 MILLION dollars!!! That's fucking ridiculous. It just makes me so ANGRY how these military leaders take everything else away from the rest of the population and the people are dying in the streets. I just don't understand how this could have gone on for as long as it has! It's sickening. It's just things like this and with the stuff going on in Darfur as well, that just makes me so sad about the world that I live in. I wish we could just have some peace, and that everyone would be treated equally. I know it sounds really hippy dippy, but I really really believe in it.

Also, with stuff like that going on in the world, it makes me realize how good I have it. Being brought up white and middle class I have had tons of opportunities that many other people in this world have never and will never have. I complain about being poor, but really, I'm doing ok. I'm at college, I'm studying for a degree that will eventually give me a good job where I will get paid pretty damn well. I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I have never really wanted for anything. Mom and dad always took really good care of us kids, and I grew up in country that has a stable government, and sure I don't agree with the current administration on basically anything they do, but atleast they aren't shooting into crowds of protesting people and killing its citizens directly. I have it pretty damn good, and I know I should appreciate everything I have. And I do. I do now. It's amazing how one little article can kind of change your whole view on your life and the world around you.

While I was reading the article, and afterwards when I was thinking about it, there were a few songs that I listened to that really seemed to apply to the Burmese people and all that stuff going on, and sort of my support for them and what I was feeling. Here's some lyrics from them that made me choke up a little bit, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I'm an emotional person, I feel for other people, and stuff like this always really affects me. I remember crying when I heard about the Amish school shooting and the Virginia Tech shooting last year, and this stuff has hit me pretty hard too, but in a different way. Anyways, the first song was "I'll Stand By You" as sung by Carrie Underwood. Yes, it's an oldie, but just the way Carrie sings it really gets to me everytime I listen to it, it's a really beautiful song. Here's the part that got to me:

"So if you're mad get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you"

And the other song was by Hilary Duff (I know, but it's a good song, and I kinda like Hilary, I'll admit it!) called "Someone's Watching Over Me". It was from one of her super cheezy movies that I regret watching now, but this song she sings at the end was really good, and it gets to me. It's got a great message.

"Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me"

I know what I want to do

2007-09-23T22:20:00.000-05:00

So, today I took a look at the blog that Megan Frankosky's parents have on her recovery. Just as a refresher, and for those that don't know about Megan, she was a good friend of mine in high school, and she's just such a genuine beautiful person, one of those truly nice people, that deserve the best things in life, but always seem to get the worst. Last year, around Thanksgiving, she slipped into a coma which was caused by a brain tumour, and she came out of it about a week later, she had surgery to remove the tumour, which was successful, but she was left with a severe brain injury. She was in a rehab center for about 6 months after the surgery and had intensive therapy for speech and physical movement and things of that nature, and she was allowed to go home after that time, while still continuing all her therapy. It seems that now she's doing much better, but has apparently lost her memory. It seems to be mostly short term, as in things she did 5 minutes ago, and remembers most things from the long term memory bank. But she still finds it really tough and frustrating that she can't remember things, and is having a rough time with her rehab for that now. I just feel really bad for her parents as well, as there's really nothing much they can do for her, and it must be awful to watch your child go through all that. I don't really believe in God or anything like that anymore, but I will be praying to whoever is out there, because Megan doesn't deserve any of this, and I'm praying her recovery is sped up, so she can get on with her life and be healthy for once. She deserves the best she can get.

But, reading the blog really made me realize that I want to help people like Megan, older people who have suffered a stroke, or some sort of brain injury that impairs their speech. I want to help these people to be like they once were so they can live their life again. I really have no desire to work with children, though I'm sure I could do it and I probably will, but I really want to specialize in adults and work with them. I really hope I can end up doing this eventually. I just want to help people!

Yay concerts!

2007-09-17T14:36:00.000-05:00

So, I'm pretty excited at the moment, one because Dashboard Confessional is coming to SCSU to play a concert!!! How amazing is it that Chris is coming all the way up to little old St Cloud. He's not playing anywhere else in Minnesota, this is it. It's gonna be crazy! I can't wait for the show though. It's on October 28th, and the tickets weren't that bad either, and Courtney is coming up from Eau Claire to join me! Haha. It's gonna be awesome. This will be my 6th(!!) time seeing Dash live. Haha. I'm a mega fan!

Also, I saw on ticketmaster, that Paramore and The Starting Line, my two other favorite bands, are doing a concert together at the Myth in Maplewood on November 2nd! And the tickets were only 20 bucks! Not too bad. So, naturally I bought a ticket for that as well, and I could not be more excited about that show too. It's gonna be massively crazy at the Myth too, and it's just gonna be so much fun. Aaaaah! I'm so excited. Lol.

Another bit of news is that I had my review at work yesterday, and everything went well, obviously since they love me, and I get my 25 cent raise! Haha. So in a few weeks I'll be paid 8 bucks an hour. Which isn't too bad I guess. I need more money, and that will add up a bit after a while. So all is going well for me.

:)

Bill Bryson is the MAN!

2007-09-15T00:09:00.000-05:00

So, tonight I was spending a pleasant evening listening to Damien Rice and reading "Neither Here Not There: Travels in Europe" by Bill Bryson, the BEST travel writer out there right now, and I got to the chapter where he is in Stockholm, and then got to this paragraph. And it was amazing, and so so true. And, mind you, this book was written back in 1992, and it's still sadly true today.

"I grew up admiring Sweden because it managed to be rich and socialist at the same time, two things I believe everyone ought to be. Coming from a country where no one seemed to think it particularly disgraceful that a child with a brain tumor could be allowed to die because his father didn't have the wherewithal to pay a surgeon, or where an insurance company could be permitted by a state insurance commissioner to cancel the policies of its fourteen thousand sickest patients because it wasn't having a very good year (as happened in California in 1989), it seemed admirable beyond words that a nation could dedicate itself to providing equally and fairly for everyone, whatever the cost."

And yet another reason why America sucks. Chew on that thought for the rest of the day.

Do a Happy Dance

2007-09-10T23:42:00.000-05:00

Life is pretty good right now. First of all, James and Rach's baby decided to show up yesterday, so now I'm an auntie! I seriously have just been so happy ever since I found out. James sent me a picture on my phone, and I just keep looking at Lucy, she's so cute and beautiful. I'm already like head over heels with her and I haven't seen her in person yet, and she's not even my kid, so I can't even imagine what James and Rach are feeling right now. So so crazy.

And my other good news is that last week at work, on my first day back, I was working at the same time as Travis and when he was leaving work that night, he came back into the break room where I was eating my dinner and asked for my number. Which I gladly handed over to him. Then, yesterday when I was chilling out before work, he called me to ask me to hang out with him. I told him I had to work until 9:30, but that I was free after that. So I gave him a call later that night when I was off work, and we met up at Perkins at like 10 and had some food and just spent the whole time there just talking about random things. I had a really good time just hanging out with him, and I think he was having a good time too, it didn't seem like he was too bored with me, which is good. We left there around 12:30 am and I headed back to the parking lot on campus, and Travis followed me in his car cause I had missed the last shuttle back up to the dorms, so he gave me a lift up so I didn't have to walk all the way back up and so I didn't get raped. Which I thought was really nice and gentlemanlike of him. Anyways, I got to know him a lot better, which was cool, and we're actually pretty similar in a lot of things, which could be why we clicked the way we did last year at work. He's a really cool guy, and not a complete asshole like Marti and Nick are... and he seemed geniunely interested in me and what I was saying and stuff, so maybe I'm breaking my bad habit of liking asses. We talked a little bit about our past relationships, so he knows a little bit about Nick, which has been the most serious relationship I've had, and he told me a little about his last girlfriend, whom he dated for 3 years!!! They must have gotten together when he was like 15/16, that's crazy! But atleast I know he's not a player, which is good. Lol. He's not the type at all.

So yeah, that was a good time, and I definitely know now that I like him, a lot. I'm still not a hundred percent sure where he stands on how he feels about me, but it's still early days yet, and I just hope we can hang out again outside of work, and then who knows what may happen! I just want to have a good time with him and just chill out and have some fun. I think I can get that with him. :)

Boring Saturday

2007-09-08T16:32:00.000-05:00

Well, nothing too exciting has happened since I've been back at school...except the news that Dashboard Confessional is coming to SCSU to do a concert!!!!!!!!!!!!! How friggin excited am I? I don't even have to drive anywhere to see them! It's going to be awesome, and Court is coming up from Eau Claire to come to the concert too. It's gonna be a lot of fun! :)

Other than that, school's going ok. I like all my major classes, they're all really interesting, so i think that Speech Pathology is going to be the right career for me! I like my professors too, they're all pretty cool. Other than that, I've not been up to too much, I'm working tomorrow night, and that's the only thing I have to do this weekend. I think I'm going to watch the Women's final match at the US Open tonight, I'm really glad I have a TV again so I can watch my tennis!

So, since I'm super bored, I'm gonna post some more Harry Potter videos for you! These are fun.

This is a cute one about Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermoine, and Neville/Luna. It's to "The Difference" by Matchbox Twenty, which is a good song too. And any video that has Neville in it now is my favorite, as Neville is my new favorite character after reading Deathly Hallows!

This is a love triangle between Hermoine/Harry/Cho (gotta love those crazy ships!) done to "Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson. I thought it was well done too, except the very beginning with the green finger thing. Lol.

This one is a Harry/Ginny and it's done to one of my favorite songs, "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance.

And just for fun, here's a Home and Away montage that I really like, cause I've gotten totally addicted to watching Home and Away episode clips on youtube. Lol

Back in St Cloud

2007-09-04T14:35:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm now back at school, in my new dorm, which is soooooo much nicer than my dorm last year. The rooms have wood paneling, high celings, a basin, and the best part, it's AIR CONDITIONED!!!!! I'm loving it. I have yet to meet my roommate, she hasn't moved in yet, and when I checked in yesterday they told me that she would be coming today, but I have yet to see her. So I have no idea what's going on with that. Maybe I will end up without a roommate or something. But I have all my stuff pretty organized now, and I doubt it will stay this neat and tidy once classes actually start. But for now it's nice and clean! It's really quiet here too, it's on a 24 quiet hours rule, which is nice, but a little unnerving after living in Sherburne last year which was like party central. But I'm getting used to it, and I am actually looking forward to starting class tomorrow, even if my first class is at 9 am.

I also decided to go on a diet of sorts. While I'm here, lunch is going to be strictly salad. That's it. Dinner I can eat whatever I want, but I figure that if I have a dose of salad everyday it will be good for me. They completely redesigned the cafeteria over the summer, so it was like walking into it for the first time again. I didn't know where anything was! So I did a quick walkaround to see where everything was, and I noticed that the food looks a lot better this year, and the salad was fresh and they had good vegetables that I like, yes there are a few! They do still have the carboard burgers though, but I suppose it wouldn't be Garvey without them.

So, so far it's been ok being back at school, if still a little surreal to be back here. I know that this semester is going to fly by though, and before I know it, I'll be back home for xmas break, and then off on my adventures! I'm looking forward to it all.

The Future Freaks Me Out

2007-09-01T23:00:00.000-05:00

So, it's September 1st. Summer is pretty much over. I go back to school on Monday. And I'm stressing. I haven't gotten my loan check yet, so I've had to borrow more money from Mom and Dad to pay for my housing payment and so I can buy my uber expensive text books. Also, my trip to Australia is drawing closer and closer, and it just makes me realize that I don't have as much money as I wanted for that by now, and yes I still have 4 months where I can work, and I'm sure I'll save more during that time, but it's hard to keep a rational mind when you're stressing.

And then, my mind jumps down the path to when I'm done with college in 2010 and what I do then. Do I go to Grad school, get even more in debt, just to get a Masters to work in a country that I hate? Or do I leave my family here and move all the way across the world to live in Australia, where I will essentially be alone, except for a few relatives that are scattered around the country. Or, do I get a working holiday visa in England and live/travel around the UK for 2 years or so and only be across a smallish ocean from my family? And I know you're thinking, you have 3 years before you have to make these decisions, why the hell are you stressing about all this now? Well, because I need to think about what I'm going to do, cause if I'm going to plan on grad school, then I have get really really exceptional grades and take the GRE next year, and start researching different schools, decide what area of the country I want to go to, and all that. And if I'm going to go to England or Australia I need to start saving lots and lots of money for it. So yeah, there is some reason behind my madness. Kinda. Anyways, these are the thoughts that keep on swirling around my head late at night, and I don't know what to do with them! And I have no idea what I'm going to end up doing once I finally get my degree.

Impeach Bush

2007-08-31T01:40:00.001-05:00

So, I watched some movies today that got me thinking. First was The Guardian, which was a really good movie by the way. It was about the Coast Guard and their bootcamp training school, and stuff. And then after that, it kinda put me in the mood to watch GI Jane, which is another good movie. Then after watching that it made me think about the war in Iraq and the crazy ass mess that effin Bush put this country in. And that made me think about Ben Fieldbrook and Eddie Bentz, two guys that I went to elementry and jr high with in Mass. I was in the same classes as these guys for 5-6 years growing up, and they were pretty small schools, so I knew them pretty well, and I did actually have crushes on both of them at certain points! Well, they are both in the army right now, they basically both signed up right after high school. Ben was supposed to be sent to Iraq last May I believe, but thankfully his group was delayed being sent there, and I believe he's still on American soil. Eddie is based in Tacoma, Washington, so he's still safe too. But, it just really got to me that two guys I know and did care about at some point in my life could be facing a lot of danger at any time. Especially Ben cause he signed up to be a Ranger scout, which basically means he's one of the first to be sent out. Eddie was a little smarter and is a medic, but still he will see some crazy shit at some point I'm sure of it. But it really scares the crap out of me that people I know and so so so many others are being sent out there into danger for no point at all. It makes me so angry, all over again, about the state of the world and this US Government that has put so many innocent lives at risk, and killed so many poor soliders and not to mention the innocent citizens of Iraq that are caught in the middle. I just wish we could get our guys out of there, right now, so that this whole mess can be over, and so people can stop dying pointless deaths. I wonder how Mr. Bush can sleep at night, knowing that he is almost singlehandedly killing his own citizens. I am counting down the days until the election next year and to the day when this horrible man steps down from office, so everything he did wrong over the past eight years can be mended. I really hate living here sometimes.

Good news...well for me

2007-08-29T00:42:00.000-05:00

So, just doing my regular surfing the net tonight, and I come across a thing about Dashboard Confessional putting out a new album in October!!!! This is pretty darn cool, and now I'm super excited. Those of you that know me, know how much I love this band, and especially Chris Carrabba! Apparently it's a return to Chris' roots in the acoustic vein, and it's a no frills record, just lyrics and guitar. He's also doing a solo tour this fall and winter, but unfortunately he's not coming to Minneapolis!! The closest city is Chicago, and I don't really want to drive that far... If it was like one or two hours away, maybe, but 6? I don't think so. So I guess I'll have to wait another year or so until he tours. Though, he may come here in the spring or next summer, so hopefully I'll be here then. Or who knows, maybe he'll tour in Australia and I'll be there at the time! Anyways, I'm super excited and I can't wait for October to roll around, so I can get my hands on the new album!

And, I know, I know, I'm a totally geek. You don't have to tell me. But I don't care. :P

Damn

2007-08-22T04:56:00.001-05:00

I'm sick of being single.

Relief

2007-08-18T23:48:00.000-05:00

So I called Old Chicago this morning. They weren't too impressed with me, but oh well. That's life I guess. I did feel a little bit guilty about ditching them, but then it was a crap job and crap place to work at, so I don't feel that bad anymore. I did call the St Cloud B&N though and talked to Matthew, the store manager and he was really happy to hear from me and told me he would pass my number onto the music manager and get him to call me about shifts for when I get back up there. So that's definitely a plus in my life right now. And I think I need some pluses right now. I feel a bit sad sometimes, but I suppose it's probably cause I'm a bit lonely right now. Hopefully that will change a bit when I get back up to school and I'm busier. Hopefully.

So, instead of working today I sat on the couch, and watched Home & Away episodes on YouTube. Lol. I'm such a nerd, and I need to get a real life.

I Quit

2007-08-17T22:47:00.000-05:00

I can't do it anymore. I can't work at Old Chicago. I'm calling them tomorrow morning at 8 am and telling them I won't be coming in for my shift that morning and I won't be coming in for any more shifts at all. I have never been so stressed at any other job before, it's just too much for me. Everyday before I go to work I feel really really anxious and like nauseus and stuff and I just dread going. I can't handle it anymore and I came home from work today and just burst into tears and just went and got a hug from mum. I talked it all over with her and she told me that I should just stop working. I never really expected to hear that from mum, but it made sense. So I will be having an extra week of vacation than I planned, but that's ok. It should be a good time for me to relax and calm down before I go back to school.

I hate being a quitter, but it's just too much, and even though I only have a week left to work, I just don't want to. It's the end. I don't think I was ever meant to work in a restaurant, and I'm really glad I know that now. Never again!

PS I'm a leeeetle bit nervous about calling tomorrow morning and telling them all this. Oh boy.

Odds and Ends

2007-08-14T01:14:00.001-05:00

I did it. I bought my ticket to go see James and Rach and Brendon next January. I'm super excited now that I know that I'm for sure going! I got a pretty good price I think, $329 all up, which isn't too bad considering I threw in a flight to NYC and then back to Minneapolis from there. So my flight plan is as follows:

January 8th depart Minneapolis 10:30 am on United, layover in Chicago for an hour and a half, then arrive in Buffalo at 3:50 pm.
January 12th depart Buffalo 11:01 am on US Airways, arrive at LaGuardia 12:19 pm.
January 16th depart JFK 11:35 am on US Airways, arrive at Minneapolis 1:37 pm.

Pretty good eh? Only 5 months and I'll actually get to go on my trip! :D

So, Silverchair. They were absolutely AMAZING live. I was soooo glad I decided to go. I had fun riding the light rail into Minneapolis all the while listening to my Silverchair tunes on my ipod, so that definitely got me in the right mood for the concert. I really like people watching when I'm riding public transport. Tons of fun. Anyways, so I get to First Ave and wait in line for about 40 mins and then I finally got in, and soon after the opening act came on stage. I don't remember the band name or anything, which doesn't really matter since they were pretty crappy and the lead singer kept on like ordering us to do stuff like dance and clap our hands and stuff, and that bothers me for some reason when people in bands do that. Especially if they're not the band I've gone to see. So I wasn't that into the band and thankfully they didn't play very long. Then there was a long wait for Silverchair to come on, but they finally did, and I can't even begin to explain what it's like to see Daniel Johns in person. Except that he looks even hotter in person, way more than in pictures and on the TV and stuff. And all the guys were so on. Daniel sounded great, and all the songs were really tight, and they played a good mix of old and new stuff. They must have played for about 90 mins or so, which I think is a pretty good length for a set, but unfortunately it didn't seem like it was that long, it just went by so so fast. Oh, it was really funny, cause people kept on throwing shirts and other assorted items of clothing up on the stage, and Daniel would pick them up and look at them and stuff, and he was like "if you're going to throw your clothes up here make sure they're atleast cool." He did wear some guys hat for like 30 seconds and then decided he didn't like it so he threw it back. It was so funny. Oh, and he was shirtless for almost the whole time, so that was pretty awesome too! :P

So, yeah it was definitely the best concert I've ever been to, it even topped all the Dashboard Confessional concerts that I've been to, and you all know how much I love them, so that just kind of shows how great the show was. If you ever get the chance to see these guys live, I recommend going. It is soooo worth it.

Happy dance

2007-08-07T22:40:00.000-05:00

I rock at saving money. Well, I didn't used to be, but this summer I have kicked saving money's ass! I've been seperating my tips out into 4 different vegemite jars and just been saving money up all summer in them. I already bought my digital camera this summer, so that jar turned into saving money to put towards paying off my credit card, which has worked well. In my Australia travel fund I have almost $300 dollars, and I still have like 2 weeks of working there so I'm hoping to end up with $400-500 by the time I finish working for the summer. I think that's pretty good. That's just like extra money for use in Australia by the way, most of my food and travel money is being paid for by my loan money, so all that I save now is just to help keep my afloat and so I can splash out a bit if I want here and there while I'm over there. I should get a pretty good tax return next year as well, so that will also be put towards my Australia fund, so I should be ok by the time I leave. I'm just starting to stress out a little bit right now because February is creeping up faster and faster, and my tuition for the 1st semester was more than I thought it would be cause they keep on jacking up that price, so I will have less left over than I thought, but I should be ok.

I also have enough money now for an airline ticket to go see James & Rach, and Brendon in January. So hopefully I can book that soon, and I will as soon as I get the ok from Brendon on the dates I picked out. As of right now, my plans are to fly to Buffalo on the 8th, hang out for a few days, then fly to NYC on the 12th, wander around NYC for a few days and then fly home on the 16th. So it's about a week. Which I think is a good amount. I'm actually getting pretty excited about it now, especially now that I've saved the money for the ticket to go over, so I know it is definitely going to happen!

Mom has also agreed to buy my a travel backpack for my xmas and birthday presents, and I've decided on the Eagle Creek Explorer LT, the women's fit one. It's so cool! And it's in pretty colors, which totally appeals to the girl in me! Here's a picture of it....

And that's all my happy news for now. And I know I haven't written about the Silverchair concert yet, but I promise I will give all the details in the next entry! :D

So friggin' excited!

2007-08-05T01:35:00.000-05:00

Daniel Johns tomorrow night, rocking out with Silverchair. 'nuf said.

:D

I've been sucked in

2007-08-01T23:17:00.000-05:00

I've discoverd the world of the Harry Potter fan video. Most of these are on youtube, which is where I stumbled across them while looking for interviews with the cast of The Order of the Phoenix. Essentially, it is a music video filled with clips of different Harry Potter movies all blended together to tell a story, and I'll be honest, I've been sucked in to watching quite a few now, but there really are quite a lot of good ones. There are some talented video editors out there. I have two favorites that I've watched a couple of times now, and I'm going to post them on here so you can watch them too and see what you think.

The first...

That one I thought was really really well done. The next one is pretty good too. Plus I'm absolutely in love with that Dixie Chicks song. So so good.

And yes, I know what you're thinking...I have no life. It's true. But I'm ok with that!

The end of an era

2007-07-23T01:46:00.000-05:00

The last Harry Potter book was released. I've already finished reading it. It was in one word, AMAZING. I stayed up all night reading it, I couldn't put it down. I won't go too much into detail about this as I know Dad reads my blog and he hasn't finished it yet, but it was just so good. I am a bit sad though, as this is the last book, and there won't be anymore Harry books. I've been reading these books since I was like 13 or something like that. 7 years. It's almost like I grew up with the books, and the movies as well I suppose. And you all must think I'm crazy to be writing an entry about a book series, but I really loved the whole series, JK Rowling is a friggin genius, and I am a wee bit obsessed with them. :D But, there are a lot of people that are way more obsessed than me, so I don't feel too bad about it.

The one thing I did say about it to mom and dad was that they are going to have a HELL of a time trying to make this last book into a movie. There is so much in it, so many loose ends to tie up, and everything in it is pretty important to what happens in the end, they really are going to have a struggle to fit it into a movie that is 2-3 hours long. Good luck Warner Brothers, haha.

So yeah, that's what I've been thinking about. So happy with the book, but a bit sad that it's all over. I hope JK Rowling writes me, she is a fantastic writer, and I'm sure anything she writes will be a massive sucess, and I would also like to see what else she can write other than Harry Potter.

:)

Rough Day

2007-07-19T01:28:00.000-05:00

I think today was the day where everyone had a bad day. I had like the biggest bitch of a woman at one of my tables today at work, and it was just bad. She was super picky, and not very nice, and she really made me mad, and she talked bad about me to the managers and all that. It sucked. And she gipped me 10 cents on the bill! So that just kind of put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day, which sucked. I usually have a hard time letting go of something like that, as I don't feel it's my fault, and especially since it's at work, it just tends to eat away at me. I really have go to learn to let that kind of stuff roll off my back and just move on so it doesn't affect me for the rest of the day. I did get pretty good tips today though, I had a big party full of business men and I was left a 30 dollar tip, so that was pretty sweet. That made the day a little bit better I guess. Atleast now I know I definitely don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life! It definitely is a motivation to stay in school and finish my degree! Only 3 years to go...

Duluth

2007-07-15T21:56:00.000-05:00

I got back today from a fabulous weekend trip up to Duluth to see my good friend Kristen. She has now moved up there permanently for school, and lives in an apartment with Nicole, and their friend Jayme. I got there Friday night and had a good night hanging out with Kristen and Jayme and their friend Drew. We wandered downtown Duluth for a little bit, and watched a movie. Saturday was spent seeing the sights on Duluth, Kristen and Jayme took me to Stoney Point, a nice hidden spot on Lake Superior, and it was just beautiful. After that we drove around and looked at some of the massive houses that overlook the lake, and then we went to the beach and hung out there for a while just relaxing. Saturday night was fun too as we drank some Malibu and Smirnoff mixed with orange juice and watched some movies, and just had a great time together. This morning Kristen and I went to Perkins for breakfast and had a good chat, and then it was time for me to make the long drive back home. I had a great weekend, and I definitely want to make it back up to Duluth a few times next semester to visit the girls and have some fun before I head over to Australia in Feb. I took some photos of my time there and posted them on my flickr site, so have a look if you want to see what we got up to!

Oh life

2007-07-11T16:02:00.000-05:00

Life is pretty boring right now. It's summer, which is nice, cause it's all sunny and warm, even if I don't go outside much. But, since it is summer I have no school, and all I do is work or sit at home. Which doesn't make life too exciting. But I only have about a month and half until I go back up to St Cloud for the fall semester, and from then on my life will be go go go! Atleast I am going up to Duluth this weekend to see Kristen and maybe Nicole if she can make it up there too. I'm excited to go up there and see my girl, she's awesome to hang out with and I miss her a lot. I'm also thinking about going to Eau Claire to see Courtney and Tori the first weekend of August, so that should make life a bit more interesting too. Hopefully. :D

I have also figured out my plans for going to Buffalo and NYC to visit James and Rach and Brendon. I'm going to fly out to Buffalo on January 8th (2 days after my 21st!!) and hang out with them for about 3 days. Then on the 12th I'm hopping a plane down to NYC to see Brendon and hopefully see a bit of the city and catch a Broadway show! After hanging out with Brendon for a few days I'm heading back to Minneapolis on the 16th I believe. So now all I have to do is finish saving up the money needed for my plane ticket so I can book it before they jack the prices up anymore! I am really excited about the trip, as it will be a good chance to hang out with the brothers and catch up before I leave to country!

And speaking of that, it's only 6 months until I leave for Australia!!!! I can't wait to go, I wish I could go right now! I really need to get my loan money too so I can pay the school for everything before I go! I really really hope I can make it down to New Zealand too for a week or two, I think that would just be really awesome. I hope my money will stretch that far!

Digital Camera!!!!!!!

2007-06-24T23:22:00.000-05:00

So I finally saved up enough money for a few cameras that I've had my eye on, it's about 140-150 bucks that I have, and it's not a whole lot of money, but it's a pretty good price I guess. I can get one that has 6 megapixels, and a 3 optical zoom, and I think that would be good enough for my purposes, just for quick shots and stuff. I'm not a big photography buff or anything, I just like point and shoot cameras and stuff. So I think I'm gonna go out to Target tomorrow and take a look at the cameras, though I have been doing some research online, and I think I'm leaning towards getting a Nikon Coolpix L11. It has pretty good reviews and stuff, and I've seen some pictures online that were taken with that model and they looked pretty clear and all that. So I'm super excited cause I've wanted a digital camera forever, and I will definitely need one for Australia next year. So all is good!

OMG OMG OMG OMG

2007-06-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Could this weekend get ANY better? Dad told me today that he saw that SILVERCHAIR (!) was coming here to Minneapolis! I immediately got my butt onto ticketmaster and got myself a ticket for the show. It's on August 5th, and I could not be any more excited for this. I've wanted to see them live for quite some time and I've heard that their shows are just absolutely amazing. I never thought they would come here though! I thought I would have to wait till sometime when I was in Australia to see them! So, I will for sure be counting down the days till I get to go see them. Omg, I can't wait!

Soooooooo amazing

2007-06-16T23:12:00.000-05:00

So today was an awesome awesome day! I finally got to see Mamma Mia! today. It was in a word...amazing. Just everything I had hoped it to be, and more. All of the ABBA songs mixed well with the storyline and all of the actors were really good, though my two favorites were the actors who played Sophie and Sam, they both had amazing voices. If you ever get a chance to see it, GO! It is so worth the money, and now I'm thinking about seeing it again when I go to New York next year! I know for sure that I definitely want to see Wicked while I'm there cause I've been dying to see it, and I want to see another show too, but I'm not sure which one I would want to see. It's a bit of a toss up between seeing either Mamma Mia, RENT, or Legally Blonde. I've seen RENT before, but I think it would be really cool to see it on Broadway! And I've heard really good things about Legally Blonde....so it may just end up being what show I can get tickets for! I can't wait though! :D

After the show we went to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner, which I'm pretty sure is my new favorite restaurant cause the food is sooooooooooo good! I'm pretty sure their Shrimp Parmesan Pasta is one of the best seafood pastas I've ever had. I just finished eating my left overs of it, and I want more! :)

So I've decided that I want to learn how to play the guitar. I've kind of wanted to learn for awhile, just so I could play like my favorite Dashboard Songs, or Missy Higgins ones, or any other band that I like alot. I think that would be really cool. Then, if I get good enough, maybe I could write my own songs...and I'm not saying that they would be good songs, but I've always enjoyed writing poetry (well atleast I did in high school) as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. This is kinda taking that another step and putting poetry to music. Though, hopefully now I may write some better stuff than I did in high school. I'm a bit embarrassed by some of the stuff I wrote now when I look back and that I actually showed this stuff to people! What was I thinking??? Haha. Anyways, I think that would be a lot of fun, and hopefully dad can teach me a bit on his guitar. I think when I get back from Australia I'm gonna start saving up some money to buy a guitar and maybe to get some lessons too. I think that would be really cool.

Oh summer...

2007-06-14T01:58:00.000-05:00

So yeah I've been a bit mopey on my past posts eh? Well not anymore! Back to "happy Megs"! :D

I honestly feel like I have worked through the issues I had inside myself concerning Nick and all that shizz. I've actually talked to him a bit more lately, I mean, nothing important or anything, I just asked him for some music recommendations and stuff, and then just a general catch up chat and stuff, but I don't feel awkward or weird talking to him, which I think is a HUGE step up for me, considering how I was feeling like a month ago about it. I don't really hate him anymore either, and I don't feel like those 2 years were wasted anymore. I can remember all the good times we had, and try to forget all the bad stuff that happened at the end, and just focus on the good. I'll find myself thinking about some stuff we used to do, and funny moments, and I'll laugh to myself, and I don't feel bitter about anything like that.

And, I think that some recent developments in my life have helped this process a bit. Let me back up a bit and explain, now that I've found out some things. If anyone remembers the "metaphorical cliff" post I made a few weeks ago, well I have the conclusion on that one. With that whole thing, I had written an email to Travis, and I stepped out and took a risk, and told him that I liked him. And almost immediately after I pushed the send button, I regretted it cause I didn't think I could take a rejection. It just would have made me feel so much worse about myself. I thought it was headed that way when I didn't get a response back from him...and then I started thinking that I had been too forward and scared him away! But, last night, after like 2 weeks of wating, I got an email from Trav. He explained that it had taken him so long to reply cause his comp had crashed on him, and he was without it for awhile. Even now it's still pretty unreliable, and then he went on to say that he liked me too! Which was awesome, cause I didn't feel stupid anymore, and it was such a relief. So, I don't actually know what will happen when I get back up to St Cloud in September, but he did say something about us hanging out together outside of work, haha. So I mean if nothing really comes of it in the end, I'm cool with it, but it was just nice knowing that sometimes taking a risk like that can end up being a good thing.

Also, it was like a massive confidence boost, cause after all the bad stuff with Nick my self esteem was pretty much at an all time low, and it's just amazing to me that someone actually will still like me. Maybe I do have a future in the romance department after all. I seriously thought I was going to end up like one of those old, lonely, crazy cat ladies. I had thought that Nick was my one chance (which I know is ridiculous, cause I'm only 20, but it was a pretty heavy relationship). So, with this thing with Travis, it's just such a boost. Which sounds really self absorbed, but whatever, it's how I feel right now.

I think that I decided that I don't want a real serious relationship right now though, I mean, I've been in 2 back to back now, and it is sooooo emotionally draining. I'm 20, I'm young, I want to have some fun! And I think that right now is my chance to act my age and just let loose and just have some good clean fun! Also, I don't really want any serious attachments if I'm leaving for Australia for 6 months in Feb. I don't want to feel like I'm attached to someone here in the States, and also I don't want some guy to feel that way either. I just don't think it's fair to either of us really. So, I guess I'm just looking for a fling or something light, which isn't always a bad thing!

Other than that good news, I haven't been up to too much, just work really. I've been making some good money there, which is awesome! My savings plan is working really well too, and I'm psyched about that. Anyways, that's probably a long enough entry for now. I really should update more so these things don't end up being sooooooooo long! :D

A disclaimer

2007-06-06T00:35:00.001-05:00

I feel that I should mention that most of what I write on here, if it is of the emotional variety, is my way to vent. I have always found it therapuetic to write down my feelings, whether it was in a journal or really bad poetry when I was in high school, and it has always help me let go of things and move on in my life. So, most of the things that I write on here is said either in the heat of the moment, so it always seems a lot bigger than it really is, or is something that has been on my chest for awhile, and I just need to get rid of it.

Some people have read some posts on here and been a bit worried about either me or about things I have written about and what that may mean in my life. I'm telling you now, please don't worry about me. I'm generally a very happy person, and I have good relationships with most people in my life. This is my place to express everything I want, and no matter what it may seem like on here, it never really is as bad as I may make it out to be.

There's no use in trying...

2007-06-01T23:45:00.000-05:00

Arrrrrrrrrrrg! I swear, I can never do anything right. Atleast that's what it feels like to me when dealing with my parents. I always say or do something that is offensive to them, or I'm "being selfish" or I "have an attitude". If I had a dollar for everytime someone in my family has said that to me I would be so stinking rich. But really, I'm just being me, I wish they could understand that. I wish they could accept me for who I am, and realize that anything I say I don't really mean, and that most times I'm just reacting to them and stuff like that. I'm not going to change any, it's who I am, and I know it's worthless for me to even pretend like I can be someone else, cause I can't. And I don't think it's fair for them to expect it of me.

My whole life I have always felt like the evil child, the bane of my parents existence. I could never do anything right. If it wasn't flossing my teeth, then it was wanting to have a boyfriend when I wasn't supposed to. Or not wanting to the dishes (but really who does?) to not keeping my room clean. There are so many things that will set them off, especially my dad, and I just feel like it's worthless and such a lost cause. I feel like I will never be good enough for them and that unless I change who I am completely and do a 180, that I will never be accepted by them like the others are.

And the thing is that usually we're fine. But then whenever my dad gets mad at me he always says I "always" treat them in this horrible way, which isn't true, and I just want to scream at him that he was fine yesterday when we were having pleasant conversations. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't be a horrible ungrateful thing to him then, but I feel like it's not going to matter, cause I feel like my dad will only see me in this one way, and like I said before, nothing I do will ever change that. The way he talks to me sometimes makes me feel even worse about myself sometimes. It's not like I talk meanly to them on purpose, sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it. But they act like I'm that way 24/7. Which is not the case at all.

I just wish that my parents would give me slack, and treat me the way the treat everyone else and wouldn't be so hard on me. I really don't think I'm any worse than my siblings, but I feel like I get treated in an unfair way.

I just want to be able to be me, and have that be ok with everyone.

Sigh

2007-06-01T11:59:00.001-05:00

I want to marry Mr. Darcy...but not any actor's version of him, specifically Matthew MacFadyen's version in the newest Pride and Prejudice that also stars Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet. Mr. Darcy in that one is so much more passionate and sensitive than in previous movies, more youthful I suppose. Too bad he's not real...but if he was, oh my god would I track him down in a flash. Haha. My aim in life is to meet someone just like Mr. Darcy now...well maybe not exactly like but similar! That is now my perfect man. :)

Btw...if you haven't seen the newest version of P&P, do yourself a favor and run, not walk, to the nearest video store and rent it! It's amazing.

psychic

2007-05-28T23:43:00.001-05:00

I wish I could know what the future will hold for me. It would make life so much easier and less stressful. The waiting is killing me.

The metaphorical cliff

2007-05-28T00:09:00.000-05:00

I just did something I didn't think I would do, and it may not have been a bad thing. I guess I'll find out in a day or two if it was bad or good. Until then I'm going to keep this vaugue...but if what I want happens then I'll update it.

In other news, I've had a bit of a "woe is me" night. This happens about once a month ever since Nick and I broke up. It's the one time I feel sorry for myself and what I perceive as my tattered and pathetic little life I have. Usually I try to stay positive and happy, and try to move on and get on with my life, and usually it works for me. But once a month, I tend to lose it a bit and just get down. I think way too to much about Nick and how stupid I was to not see his true character, and I think about how stupid I was to waste so much time on him, and think that I was going to marry him, and everything would be wonderful. I really was naive. I was so dumb. I still can't believe I thought he was the "one". What a load of crap.

I know I said when I first started this blog that I would try not to write about Nick, but I really haven't been able to do that. This blog is a way for me to get out my thoughts and vent, and unfortunately a lot of my thoughts are still about Nick. Which I suppose is normal considering that I was with him for almost 2 years, and I was deeply involved with him emotionally. As I was discussing with Mom and Dad about earlier tonight. I was really really in love with him. My first love. I've always heard that you never get over your first love. I really am starting to believe that now. I may hate him, and I may be angry with him for what he did to me and how he treated me, but I don't think I'll ever fully be over him. I still miss him, I miss talking to him, and being with him, and I really miss the friendship we once had. Because, as hard to believe now, it was once really good with him, and I was really happy with him.

Now I'm just left here, feeling empty still, and lonely and sad. It doesn't feel so good. And I don't think i will sleep too well tonight, so I'm going to sit here listening to my "songs that make me cry" playlist on itunes, and watching sappy romantic movies, and maybe in a sick twisted way it will make me feel a teeny bit better. It can't make me any worse...I think.

Where I Stood

2007-05-22T01:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am absolutely OBSESSED with the new Missy Higgins CD. OBSESSED. It is amazing, the whole thing. I love it. It's different to her older stuff, but still all very good. It was definitely worth the wait to get the CD from Australia. I'm absolutely in love with the first track off it too, I've been listening to it on repeat for about an hour now...I know, it's sad and pathetic, but something about this song just gets to me, and I just relate to it. It just kind of is how I feel sometimes about everything that has happened to me, and all that shizz. Except that I was the dumpee, not the dumper, which is what the song's persepective seems to be from, but it's all universal or something like that. So, without further adieu, here it is.

'Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

contemplative

2007-05-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

I got the new Missy Higgins CD in the mail today, which was awesome because I've been waiting for it forever, and it was sent from Australia and I paid a lot of money to get it. It's a really great CD, Missy did not disappoint on this one. I'm listening to it right now actually, and I'm sure I will be for the next few days. I really love all of her music, and no matter what song I'm listening to, it always puts me in a thinky kind of mood. Something about it just sounds contemplative, and it makes me a bit melancholic and sensitive and stuff. This may be because I listened to Missy basically non stop during the rough breakup with Nick, but it could also be that Missy is just a great songwriter and she really knows how to get deep into someone.

So I've been sitting here on the couch for about 2 hours just listening and thinking. Lots of different things have been swirling around in my head. I was thinking about Nick a bit, and kind of wondering what he's doing now and if he misses me at all or anything, which I'm sure he doesn't at all, but it's still something that one thinks. I don't think I'm still 100% over him, though I may be getting close. I think I'm still a bit angry at him, and feel like he wasted a lot of time with me, and stuff like that. I'm sure as I get older I won't see the time I spent with him as wasted, but right now, I do. I'm also still pretty angry and bitter about the way he treated me over the 2 years and how I was so blind to it, and how I let him just treat me like crap. I didn't even really fight it, I made excuses to other people about it when they would say something to me about it. But I suppose what they say is true...love really is blind.

Also I was thinking a bit about Travis, the guy I work with at B&N. I kind of feel like I'm due for a nice guy after the complete jerks I have dated in the past, and maybe he's the nice guy I've been waiting for. I don't know if he likes me or thinks of me in that way at all, but I am really enjoying his friendship right now. He's a really sweet guy and I get along with him so well, and it's nice to be able to talk to some and joke around without having him put me down or make fun of me. It's kind of a new experience for me. Maybe before with Nick and Marti I didn't have much self esteem or confidence about me, but I think now after everything I've gone through I do feel a bit more confident and I know that I deserve someone nicer and someone that treats me with respect and care. It's a big change for me, but I'm moving out of the high school relationships into the real adult ones. I think it's a good step for me. And I'm proud of myself as well.

I don't know what will happen with Travis, as I said I don't know how he feels about me, but I sometimes think he does like me, just with things he says and the way he acts around me and stuff. I've talked to him online a few times since I've come home from St Cloud, and it's been a lot of fun. I haven't talked to him in a few days though, so last night I sent him an email just to say hi and see how he's doing. I do kind of miss seeing him at work and like joking around and stuff, he's really fun to hang out with. I hope he's still working there when I start back there in September. And I hope we work more of the same shifts so I have more chances to see him and talk and stuff. And it is a little sad to think I won't see him for 3 months at all, not a fun thing at all. But thank god for the internet, I can stay in contact with anyone over it! :)

So yeah, that's basically what I've been mulling over tonight, boys are always on the mind. Haha. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I'm still young, I need to have fun as long as I'm still able to!

busy busy bee

2007-05-18T02:07:00.000-05:00

I've been training at Old Chicago for 2 days now, and it's going pretty well. It's not too hard yet, though on Sunday I begin training as a server, so I think it may get a little more difficult then. But I'm looking forward to it. I always like a challenge now and then. Everyone I've met there at work is really nice so far and they're all really helpful and stuff, so I think it's going to be a fun job, which will be a nice change from B&N.

In other news, I guess Courtney and I are kinda friends again. She still annoys me, and I don't always agree with what she does and the way she uses people, but I suppose hanging out with her occasionally in a group of people would be ok. She doesn't shut up about England though, that gets a bit annoying after awhile. I just got home from hanging out with her, Kristin, Nicole, Haley, Vanessa, and Tori, and Dennis was there too, but I don't like him cause he treats Haley like crap, but yet she keeps on going back to him. She's addicted to the drama I think. She's always been that way. But the night was pretty fun. We went to Shooters and shot some games of pool, and I won the first game! Which was pretty awesome considering I suck at pool. So that was fun. And then we went to Perkins and were loud and obnoxious and annoyed all the other patrons and our waitress, but it was fun! :)

So overall, summer is going pretty well. I'm glad. I was thinking that this summer was going to be really boring and sad, but it's ok! And hopefully it will stay that way. I'm crossing my fingers...

I'm employed!

2007-05-12T23:56:00.000-05:00

So, I just got back a little while ago from my meeting with a manager at Old Chicago. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a chain restaurant that specializes in pizza and beer (the have 110 brews of beer, they're very proud of that). I am essentially hired, just have to have another orientation day and then I should start my training soon. I'm going to start as a server, but then I will be trained in other areas as well so they can use me where they need me. I'm pretty psyched! I have a job for the summer, and that's a load off my mind cause I really need the money, and I can have a break from Barnes and Noble for the summer, which will be nice. It's gonna be a different experience for me working there as I've mainly worked in retail, so it's something different to put on my resume, and hopefully it's something I can come back to when I'm home for vacations and things like that. So, this is all very good and exciting, and now I just hope I can make enough money for my 6 months in Australia next year! And I'm hoping for lots of good tips! So, if you come into Old Chicago and you're sitting in my section...you better leave a tip! Haha. :) I'm so excited right now. I think this is going to be a very profitable summer! :D

My brain hurts

2007-05-08T23:55:00.000-05:00

I've been cramming way too much information into my head over the past few days. I'm trying to re-learn a whole semester's worth of info for two classes. I have the finals tomorrow for it. I'm not looking forward to them at all. I think I'll do ok on my philosophy one as I did pretty well on the practice exam I just did, but the astronomy final is going to be crazy. He's testing us on 23 chapters worth of information, and we don't know what certain chapters will have the most questions or what won't be on the test at all. I wish my professor made up a final review sheet or something. So I just have to study my notes and skim my book, which I don't think will help too much. It would be easier if I knew what I had to study.

On a different note, tomorrow is my last shift at Barnes & Noble for the summer. That's exciting. And I'm really hoping I get the job at Old Chicago for the summer at home. That would rock! I really need to earn a lot this summer to go towards my Australia trip fund. It's pretty much empty now...and I need a lot before I go. So hopefully I will find out on Saturday when I go in for the second interview. I'd also really like to find out how much they pay hourly...hopefully they will tell me that too.

Anyways, it's a short one for right now. I'm tired out from all this studying and cleaning that I've done all day. Time for some beauty sleep!

Never Again

2007-05-03T00:34:00.000-05:00

So I am LOVING the new Kelly Clarkson single, "Never Again". Love. It. It kinda sums up what I'm feeling about Nick right now. Except for all the things about the other girl in the song, cause he didn't cheat on me, but the general tone of the song, being pissed off at your ex and basically just saying screw you bastard. Anyways, I also love the music video for it, which is just as kick ass as the song, and the cheating boyfriend in the video is really effin hot. Here it is for you to check out if you so wish...

Anyways, so speaking of boys...I kinda like this guy that I work with. I guess it's kinda like a crush thing. I think he might have a girlfriend, so I don't think anything will happen, and even if he doesn't have a girlfriend I don't think he likes me in that way. But he's a really nice guy, and super cool, and really easy to talk to. He's fun. :) And he's replacing me in music over the summer...which I find funny. But I think that it's a really positive thing for me to start being interested in other guys, I think it shows that I am starting to move on since breaking up with Nick, and that whole fiasco. Maybe there is some hope for me after all. And I'm proud of myself for moving on and getting over the hurt, cause it really was one of the hardest things for me to do. Kinda shows that I can bounce back from anything, which is good to know.

So close...yet so far

2007-05-02T00:24:00.000-05:00

I have a week and two days until I go home for the summer. I could not be more excited about going home...but I know that those last few days are going to go by so slow...especially since it's finals and I'll be studying like mad. I would like to know why professors like to give tests to their classes a week before finals...and then give them a final the next week? It's sadistic! *sigh*

Favorite thing of the week: The Geico caveman commercials. So. Funny. Here's my current one...Caveman at party:

I love the part where the other guy comes out and is like "Tina and I are getting back together" and the other one gets pissed. Lol. Geico have the funniest commercials that don't relate to car insurance at all. Lol. Brilliant. Here's another one just for giggles:

old photographs

2007-04-29T12:31:00.000-05:00

I went home this weekend. I wasn't going to, but I changed my mind at the last minute. Basically so I could do my laundry for free and to start taking from school back home for the summer. Also, I had to bring Dad his McLeod's DVDs that were sent to me at school. He was very happy to get those.

Last night though, I was a bit bored, so I started looking at old family photos. Like the really really old ones, of family ancestors who are dead now. It's kinda crazy to look at those photos and think that those people were alive at one time. And all the clothes that you see in period movies, people actually wore them! It's kinda cool.

Then I was looking at the photos of my grandparents when they were young, and it was really weird to see them young, and not old and wrinkly and grey, like I've always known them. Brendon really looks like Papa, my mom's dad, too. It's kinda funny. So we all know what Brendy will look like when he gets old! There were also some pictures there of mom and dad when they were babies and little children. It's also very strange to see your parents as children. Though, I think dad looks the same, just more grown up now. Mom looks different though I think. My Auntie Helen, mom's sister, looks exactly the same though. It's really funny.

I really love photographs. And I still think it's amazing we have those really really old ones from like the lat 1800's and early 1900s. Crazy. Also, I come from a long line of goodlooking people...I wonder what happened to me! Haha....Just kidding! :P

This would only happen to me...

2007-04-28T00:03:00.000-05:00

Work was a hell tonight for me. First, I get into work to find my new Music Manager there, Tom, who used to be the Recieving manager but had a back injury, so he and Leah (the old music manager I loved) switched places. Now, Tom is a nice enough fellow, but the way he talks is really really condescending. And he talks this way to everyone! It bothered me sooooooooo much. I'm really glad I only have 2 weeks left there and then I have a 3 month Barnes & Noble free period. Who knows, maybe by the time I start work again in September, there may be a new manager! Anyways, that was annoyance number one.

Annoyance number two was the MASSIVE nose bleed I had. I had just gotten back from my dinner break, and my nose started bleeding. Not only is this annoying, but it is also extremely embarrassing for me in those public settings. I had to call my manager to get someone to come back and cover for me so I could dash to the bathroom. But it seemed like forever for someone to come back. It was horrible. So I finally make it back to the bathroom, and it is literally like a flood now. I was back there for what seemed like forever, and I felt really bad cause I should have been working and they all probably were wondering what was going on...and eventually the store manager, Matthew, sent Ambur, one of the Leads, back to make sure I wasn't passed out on the bathroom floor in a puddle of blood.

It took forever for my stupid nose to stop bleeding, and Ambur came back three times to check on me. It must have been atleast 40 mins I was in the bathroom, if not more. So I got paid to hang out in the bathroom tonight basically. It was really funny though, when I got back out after it had stopped, everyone was really concerned that I was going to pass out from bloos loss or something. They all offered to get me water and stuff. Which was nice, and I actually felt like my managers cared about me, which is always a nice feeling. I was actually feeling a bit dizzy and light headed, which did freak me out a bit. But it went away after awhile.

I guess the good thing out of all of this was that after the nose bleed situation, my manager didn't expect me to do much, so I spent the rest of the night helping the few customers that came in, and then read the Entertainment Weekly issue on the upcoming Summer movies. So that wasn't too bad. And, by the way, there looks to be some really good movies coming out this summer!

I really don't understand people sometimes

2007-04-25T18:45:00.000-05:00

So, my ex boyfriend from high school, the one before Nick, has a girlfriend now who is like obsessed with me. I don't understand why she keeps on messing with me. Like, she'll send me text messages from his phone pretending to be him and saying that he wants to get back with me and all this stuff. And she'll on on his IM name and do the same thing. I think it's really cruel, and sick, and I think she's disturbed.

I will never understand why people do these things to people, and the only reason why I can think that she's doing this to me, is that I was the longest relationship before her, and she feels threatened by that, and therefore acts very immature and harrasses me online. She really seems insecure about it.

I just really hate people messing with me, especially someone I have never met! It just seems so childish, and I would never do anything like that to anyone. Anyways, I've blocked both his screen name and hers, so hopefully that will make her leave me alone. And I don't think she'll text me anymore. At least I hope not. Just another thing that I need to leave behind and move on with my new life.